Always Less Than The White Girl

8647_stdDanielle Cuddy,
Napa, CA.

Growing up as an adopted South Korean female in the city of Napa proved a challenging adolescence. I was called, “China Girl” in elementary school, but that was okay with me because the other children would come to realize that they were wrong and I was actually from the opposite side of the continent. My high school graduating class was comprised of 1.9% asians, and when my date cancelled on me for my senior prom, I turned to a friend from the local private school. “But you are asian,” my friend said, “Guys at Justin Siena only like white girls.” I will never forget that. In 2014 I moved to Honolulu, Hawaii at the age of nineteen years old. I started dating a guy in the army, only to be broken up with because at the end of the day, I was not what he was looking for. He was looking for a white girl. This taught me that racism is apparent in diverse cities, as well as in small towns. Even in the present day, I hear the snickers of “Chinita” and “Konichiwa” under my latino coworkers’ breath as I pass by them in the restaurant. As a child, Hollywood gave me the role models of figure skater Kristy Yamaguchi and Disney’s Mulan. As a country, we are taking small steps in the integration of cultures to diminish racism, and I could not be more excited. However, where is the change for asian culture? I do not want any asian girl to grow up the way I did, thinking that she is less than the white girl because she is not pretty enough. I now know that I am beautiful regardless of what others tell me, but I had to get to this point by myself.

Keep the conversation going - comment and discuss with your thoughts

  • Thomas Flemer

    So, here is your first comment(s).

    I’m not making excuses. I have been around a lot of different peoples, but had little exposure to adopted children. The shock that people could think to say such things to children, turned into anger and a desire to reject them, and now is sitting as a huge disappointment. I am only beginning to understand what you went through.

    Hopefully you can accept my sincerity and that I have no self interest in saying the only thing more beautiful than you is what came from your thoughts on this race card. Well done.

    The women that you hold as role models are great. Another person that I hold in high regard is Lucy Lu. Her professional life appears along a similar line as your experience. Less than white. Her credits to date are more voice overs and seconds than leading in front of the camera. However, in my opinion, at 46 she is just getting started. I am looking forward to her blowing the proverbial socks off the movie world.

    Sorry, I will hurry to wrap this up. having and interest in things Asian, I recently watched some TV shows made in Korea and a couple of movies from China. Could not understand one spoken word, but the cinematography was light years ahead of the US norm.

    I am going to stop now. You asked what about Asian culture? I can’t make you believe. Take this as one voice nearly on the other side of the earth. You as an American and of Korean decent are an integral part of humanity moving forward. The world needs you more that you need it. Just saying. Well done.

  • Sahbism

    White men seek Asian women out all the time. Which makes this post rather weird, because if the white woman is above an Asian woman, then why do white men seek out Asian women on average? Maybe white women are the “it girls” to a particular group of men, but not above Asian women. I would think they both get sought after equally.

    • It’s not weird. Asians are outcast growing up all the time. It’s only when everyone becomes adults that Asian women become desirable to white men, and even then at least half of the time it’s based on offensive stereotypes and fetishes about how they are in the bedroom, how submissive they are, how much easier to get along with they are than black and white women, etc. I’m black, and I can see this. Black women grow up with the “less than white women” thing, and it never changes for us the way it does for Asian women in the sense of men suddenly finding us attractive as adults because the attraction changes are, again, mainly about stereotypes. Still, I have been surprised as an adult to encounter some white guys who say Asian women aren’t attractive because I assumed most or all white guys liked them. Plenty of Asian guys prefer white women over Asian women, as well. So, Asian women are not equally sought after as white women are–white women are and will likely always be the “it” girls to every group of men.

      BTW, Danielle (and we have the same name), I do think you’re pretty. I generally think Asian women are more attractive than white women are.

 

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