Parents’ interracial marriage seems selfish sometimes

Anonymous,
Santa Cruz, CA

I’m tired of my bi-racial experience being used as proof of progress… Sometimes I think my parents were selfish to have kids and then act like everything would be fine. There are still unequal power dynamics, still racism in their relationship, and they wonder why their kids are insecure and damaged. Kids should never feel ashamed to be in public with a parent or hate themselves for being racially “other,” but sadly this is common amongst many biracial youth I know.

Keep the conversation going - comment and discuss with your thoughts

  • Wittlesecwet

    then those parents failed as a couple, as parents, and their children. i know many well adjusted, strong bi racial children who own their identity. it doesn’t happen immediately, of course, but takes development and support from parents who start early teaching their kids that while race is an issue for a lot of people, it does not have to become the issue of their children.

  • kmack

    Um, this rubs me the wrong way.  While I hear the crux of the message and completely understand that my bi-racial child will have a host of emotions and experiences to live through and process that I as his white mother will never understand no matter how much love and support I provide him, it makes me wonder if the offspring of my marriage to a white man that I only settled with due to societal pressures to marry within my “race” but never really loved would be any better off.  Yes, perhaps they wouldn’t have to deal with the complexities of being bi-racial, but rather the complexities of a broken family, and from personal experience, I know the latter leads to a whole host of issues that I deal with on a regular basis, even in my adult life.  So, I chose to marry the one I love.  I chose to marry a black man and he chose to mary a white woman, and together, we have an amazing bi-racial boy, who undoubtedly will experience issues with his identity.  But at least I know that he was born into a strong family and will witness, grow, and learn from the true love his parents share with eachother.  Also, if selfish was what they were being, I’m really freaking glad about it, because if my white, French great grandmother hadn’t married my brown, Ojibwe great-grandfather, I wouldn’t be here today. 

  • Danielle

    French, Irish and Japanese … married a Mexican.  Yes our children will be judged, stared at, and questioned relentlessly about who they are .., but they will be loved, educated, well-read, well spoken, fluent in 3 languages (hopefully 4 or 5 if i have any say) they will cross boarders and touch lives with their understanding and empathy of cultural diversity. Being bi-racial is not a product of sefishness infact it’s the exact opposite – it’s hard at times, annoying, and yes painful, but take on the challenges and raise the bid.   

  • Lawahine

    I understand EVERY word. I’m 31. Korean and white. I explain a bunch of stuff to my dad a few years ago. He broke down and felt SO awful. He said he felt selfish, obviously he did not want me to experience all the pain I went through. My parents just didn’t know and I didn’t know how to communicate to them what I needed.

    I LOVE my parents. I LOVE who I am. I am grateful for everything in my life. I just wanted to let you know that I really do understand the “sometimes.”

 

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