too dark

Dating: I’m too dark for him?!

Anonymous, Northampton, MA. He’s a white European, and has never considered black women to be attractive, apparently until he met me and we got to know each other. Since he is curious about interracial relationships, he’s often on youtube watching videos on black and white couples/babies/marriages. Yesterday, he proudly told me that he watched an […]


I’m black. He’s black. Perfect match?

Joelle Kanyana TN Going to school in a town where I’m in the minority as a black girl (Burundian heritage, Ghana-born, American citizen) has its interesting experiences. One that always seems to repeat itself is the matchmaking by my classmates with the black guys there. I’ve had this conversation many times before: “Joelle, you’d look […]


Discovering others judgments after finding love.

Lauren Bing, North Canton, OH. A little over two years ago, my eyes were opened to the unspoken opinions of the people closest to me. I met a guy who had such a great personality, we got along so well and he treated me like I deserved nothing less than being treated right. I couldn’t […]


You are dating a black girl?

Michael K. Wallace, Johnson City, TN. This was the opening question to the most consistent family conversation I had during my freshmen year of highschool. It was said as a question, although it was a statement. Yes, I am dating a black girl. Thank you for the reminder. Would you care to know who she […]


Happy, friendly neighbors… until dating starts.

Submitted via Twitter: @Only4RM #theracecardproject Once open-minded, inclusive parents start to act nervous, different when cross-racial crushes develop & kids hit puberty. Some parents change around Junior High. All of above to some degree. More “oversight” of kids’ interaction. No more jokes about crushes. Group plans no more 1on1. The changes are subtle. To the […]


Where are you from? You’re exotic!

Abbie Elliott Leesburg, VA For my entire adult life, dating has been a challenge. As an Asian-American, I vehemently resisted falling into stereotypes. But, as an Asian-American on the dating scene, my looks delivered my first impression for me. Men developed ideas about me even before I spoke. Where they expected to find a quiet, […]

Try a white guy next time

Kay Perrin, PhD Tampa, FL In 1983, we adopted a black 8-week old baby boy in Tampa, Florida. At the time, we had a biological boy, age 3 years. I would frequently take my older son to preschool and then run errands with my newly adopted black son. Twice, complete strangers would walk by me […]

Wishing more Black women dated out

CBP Falls Church, VA I’m a white woman engaged to a black man, and I hate feeling like a stereotype. “Typical, another self-hating brotha stolen by a white woman” I imagine them thinking. I know the tide is turning and there are plenty of black women who don’t feel this way and/or date out. But […]

Don’t bring home black…or Jew.

Linda Skillett Daniels, WV I grew up with a blue collar dad and stay at home mom. I started to date in the late 70s and my mom told me one day not to bring home a black….or a Jew. My dad was a racist but not my mom. I guess she learned, even as […]

Now we will have to move

Yvonne Hogan Phoenix , AZ I am white. When I started dating a black man, my parent’s sat me down and my mother was so upset, she asked me not to come into the neighborhood. She didn’t want the neighbors to know. She was afraid that she’d have to move. My father said,”I thought you […]

The consequences of liking black guys.

Julie Naski Ann Arbor, MI Understanding Race Project- University of Michigan As a white female, I have found that it is easier to keep my mouth shut when it comes to my attraction to black guys. When I reveal this to people, I am most commonly met with a surprised reaction, and then asked with […]

Ask black girls out? They’d laugh!

John D Gardner Overland Park, KS I was in high school from 1979 to 1981. During that time there were a few girls that I thought were pretty decent, who happened to be black. I’m white, and was awkward, lonely, scared, and so forth. I figured that if I asked them out I’d be seen […]

I’m a girl not a fantasy.

Ngoc Ma Sugar Land, TX I hear it more often than I should – ‘I love Asian women.’ That’s great, I love southern cooking. Or ‘I’ve never been with an Asian woman before.’ And you’re streak will continue. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with information like that. I have found that men […]

Racism? No, I just don’t like YOU!

DB Bradford My pet peeve – people who unfairly claim racism when things don’t go their way. Ex – a man repeatedly asked me for dates. I repeatedly said no. His response “What? you don’t date *** (people of his race)???” No Jerome, I just don’t want to date YOU.

How long until we’re one color?

Linda Brineks New Albany, OH I grew up in a household where dating someone of another race was not condoned. I disagreed with my parents on that principle. I belong to a church now (evangelical Christian) where one of our goals is to be racially integrated. We have a lot of mixed race couples. I […]