Wishing more Black women dated out

CBP
Falls Church, VA

I’m a white woman engaged to a black man, and I hate feeling like a stereotype. “Typical, another self-hating brotha stolen by a white woman” I imagine them thinking. I know the tide is turning and there are plenty of black women who don’t feel this way and/or date out.

But until I see equal numbers of BW/other as I do BM/other I feel that our relationship will be diminished and stereotyped, especially by Black women.

Keep the conversation going - comment and discus with your thoughts

  • Tiffany B.

    Fortunately, most black women care not. Firstly, who still says a person can be “stolen”??? LOL. This is not child kidnapping. Love is love. Ignorant people will always speak the loudest and be heard the most. Please don’t go through life believing that all black women are jealous of, stereotype and diminish the authenticity your relationship.

    I feel awkward when walking by certain white women-black men couples, because I sense that the women is looking at me to see if I’m looking at them (???). I know…crazy right. So I usually choose not to look, or else I will be accused of envying their relationship. But on the flip side, my choice not to look at them might show that I’m not acknowledging their relationship. Who cares?

    I’m an African-American woman married to an African-American man. Husbands are husbands, they are all men. Again I say….who cares?????

    • Tiffany B.

      TYPO *”woman” is looking

    • Amanda

      Thank you for posting this comment, I appreciate hearing this perspective. You’re absoluetly right, “Ignorant people will always speak the loudest and be heard the most.”

    • Ken T

      I suggest that you simply smile and give a warm greeting. Anything other than that reflects badly upon yourself more than anything else. I am a Black man whose wife happens to be White. I never allow anyone to make me feel awkward nor do I care what anyone’s opinion is of my life choices. I treat EVERYONE like a long lost friend and usually get reciprocal treatment. If anyone feels awkward, it definitely won’t be me and if it’s them, that’s their self-induced problem to cope with. Life is too short to walk around wondering if my choices are pleasing to the stranger I pass by on the street.

  • Krane

    How do you think White men feel about it? We don’t want to date Black women any more than Black men do.

    • Chelee

      Fortunately there are white men who can look beyond color and choose to be with someone they connect with.

      • Krane

        The idea that men can look beyond anything is laughable.

        • Pik_Pik

          Krane – what’s the deal with your negative synergy in all your comments? – Please troll away.

          • Krane

            I have found that if your going to be called a “racist” or “sexist” what’s the point of trying to dance around it? Our society would be a lot more conservative if it knew what people were really thinking. I don’t like radical feminism, but in it’s descriptions of men’s sexuality there is a lot of truth. Men are pigs.

    • Gary

      Black women have become like God’s unclaimed treasures. Most work hard,give their all and just want/expect an even break in work/life/love. You cannot come to know black women without admiring their spirit. But dating is a personal preference, get in where you fit in.

    • Ashley

      damn that’s harsh.

    • Victoria Valle

      Can you consider, even for a moment, that they may not want to date you?

      • Krane

        Well that’s clearly a factor. For a lot of them it’s a matter of racial consciousness. They associate it with the slavery days where the masters would rape the female slaves. They associate it with Whites oppressing Blacks.(Whereas when it goes the other way….)

        • Victoria Valle

          They would probably not be attracted you you because you appear to be bomabastic and self-absorbed.

          • Krane

            Oh I see you are talking about me as an individual. Well hey, usually those qualities are usually attractive to women. I used to purposely act like that around them, much more so than I would when around my friends.

  • Chelee

    Do not dwell on it. As Tiffany says, love is love. People are human and there are many reasons that drive their dislike of your relationship – it could be racial, but could be driven by other issues and challenges they have faced or are facing. My parents, as many other interracial couples were faced with many challenges, including her parents not initially wanting her to marry my father because of his color. His North Carolina country family welcomed her with open arms when they met her years later. My parents met over the phone and fell in love while my father was stationed in Germany. She was calling the barracks for a girlfriend who had to cancel a date with her soldier friend. My dad happened to answer the phone that day and they talked and talked. She did not know he was black until they met. She had fallen in love with who he was not the color of his skin. Remember there are many cultures that share concerns about marrying outside of race. Racism will never die and we cannot live or not live, or love or not love based on what other people think and feel.

  • Ashley

    I am a black woman, I have many biracial relatives including a biracial stepdaughter. White women have been marrying into my family for decades, but my black son has been taught by me early not to date out of his race. I am not racist and I don’t have a problem with interracial dating, but I want my son to realize that there are plenty of educated beautiful black women in this country so he does not have a valid reason for me on why dating a white woman is necessary. I would prefer him never to bring a white woman home.

    • Smith

      When he grows up and sees the pool of ratchet, violent, superficial, baby making black women he has to choose from he will come home with a latina or just cut you off and be with his snow bunny….lol

      • Persephone Jones

        I hope the author of this race card reads this comment. She needs to understand the intra-racial bigotry that Black women are subjected to by Black men that interracially date and marry. This comment helps explain the looks she claims she has received from Black women.

      • LotusBud

        Oh please that is extreme. There are a lot of nice black women out there but I understand that just because bw and bm are racial counterparts, it doesn’t mean they are best suited for one another.

    • LotusBud

      That’s wrong, you should teach him to love the best person for his needs.

  • Ken T.

    I have no idea why anyone would spend time within their relationship concerned about what some uninvolved idiot thinks of their relationship.

  • Persephone Jones

    How badly does the author’s ego need to believe that Black women care about her marriage?

  • LotusBud

    Black women don’t care about this these days. Many bw are dating out (including myself) but you’ll never see equal numbers because females don’t have as much male privilege in this area. White women don’t date out as much as white men either.

 

Tweets by Michele Norris