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Left Crying in the Bathroom Floor

Charlie,
USA.

I brought my car in for an oil change (in the predominantly black area I live in) and they told me that it’d be an hour before they could get to it. ‘No big deal,’ I though, ‘There’s a shopping center across the street.’ As I made my way down the sidewalk, a man cat-called as he drove past. I didn’t think much of it as I crossed the street and headed towards Big Lots. However, he had turned around and was now pulling into the parking lot.

“Hey,” He said, getting out of his vehicle. “I don’t wanna come on too strong, but you’re really beautiful.” At this point, I was flattered. I had recently had my daughter, and was feeling uncomfortable in my own skin due to the weight gain.
“Thanks for saying so, but I’m married,” I replied.

“He’s a lucky man. Are you happy?” He asked, following me up the parking lot. His remarks began to get invasive and personal, making me extremely uncomfortable. I gave him a more stern ‘No’, and he had seemingly gotten the message. He hung back and didn’t follow me as I walked into the store.

Less than five minutes after I entered the store, he came in. I told myself that I was being paranoid, that he was probably planning to come in regardless. Not really wanting to face him again, I made my way to the back aisles and tried to focus on shopping. He soon found his way to the opposite end of my aisle, basket empty. I tried to pretend that I hadn’t seen him, and went to the furniture section. Yet again, he had somehow ended up within 10 feet of me. Even though it could have still been an uncomfortable coincidence, I decided to just purchase the phone charger in my basket and head to a different store. As I was handing the cashier my card, he came up to the register next to mine, only a pack of gum in his hand.

There was a grocery store attached to the Big Lots, so I made a bee-line for it. He entered the store soon after I did, and I was beginning to have a hard time believing he wasn’t following me. Despite my obvious attempts to lose him, he managed to be in or near every aisle I was in. I was beginning to get frightened, so I went to the women’s bathroom at the front of the store. A female employee saw the look on my face and asked worriedly, “What’s wrong?” I explained the situation to her and she asked for his description so they could call the police.
The moment I mentioned his skin color, her eyes dulled. Suddenly, her responses to me were short and a bit annoyed, as if I was wasting her time. She told me to wait and she would see about getting her manager, so I did. I sat in that bathroom for thirty minutes before I realized that no one was coming. From a different perspective, I understand that I might have looked like a racist white woman (who is in reality half Mexican) wanting to cry wolf about a POC harassing me. At that moment though, I didn’t care how I looked. I sat in the floor and cried, terrified of the possibility that the man was still in the store. Sad that the employee (who was also black) saw me as a racist, not a frightened woman who genuinely needed her help. Angry with her for leaving me alone while he might have still been out there.
Thankfully, the store manager (who was also black) happened to walk in on my sobbing. After explaining to her what happened, she informed me that no one had mentioned the incident to her at all. She called the police herself and sat with me at the café area until they had arrived. Luckily, he left, but the manager didn’t leave my side until the police officer confirmed it. As mortified as I was at the situation and the employee’s inaction, I’m forever grateful to the manager who saw the problem and not my race, and helped resolve the situation.

Family contrast black white shows beauty

P8022086Sherry Weaver,
Woodstock, GA.

Our family is a beautiful rainbow. We are pink with brown spots and brown with pink spots.

We are just a family. I didn’t “rescue” anyone-we gave each other gifts. I was given the incredible gift of love and diversity, and they got a family who loves them and can appreciate them. Just like all families, each individual brings something different to the whole. My first son is empathetic, my second son is a great athlete and my daughter is beautiful and caring.

It’s not about surviving being black, It is about realizing how wonderful it is to be of African heritage and how wonderful it is to be of Scottish heritage. I tell my daughter how beautiful she is while I put on my makeup and tell her how lucky she is to have such gorgeous mahogany skin.

She understands this is just one of the the many joys of being black. Anyone who can’t see that is just not looking.

And no disrespect Chris Rock- She does have “Good Hair”. It is as beautiful as the rest of her.

You’re too pretty to be black.

668Brandi N. Scarlett,
Lansing, MI.

When people ask me what ethnicity I am, I get excited. I am so proud to be mixed race. My mother is white and First Nations, and my father is Jamaican. However, I always make sure to tell people no matter WHAT I am, I identify as being black. I interact with the world as a young black woman. That is how society treats me and I am not ashamed to embrace that.

A black girl’s dilemma in America

Selena JP,
Empowering Youth Towards Excellence (EYTE) Program,
Elizabeth, NJ

There is a great irony regarding my 6 words story- from both society and ourselves. As black women in America, in particular, we are held at a higher standard but we’re constantly at the bottom of the barrel. We are the ones who are blatantly overlooked, but they (society and fellow black men) have the audacity to say “suck it up, buttercup”. The nerve America has- the nerve our own kind has. The story of a black girl’s dilemma in America could be shared universally, let’s be honest. Black girls never get the prop they deserve from their style, their attitude, nor their drive. It’s like everyone wants to be us but they’ll never truly love us.

We are told from a young age to cover ourselves because our curves attract vultures. We are told we’re too black to be beautiful. Or the common backhanded compliments we received growing up, “You’re really pretty for a black girl”. We try to grow our hair out in its kinky, coily state- it’s perceived as “unprofessional, messy, ghetto, untamed”. We finally manage to break our backs to change who we are and we’re told to stop “acting white”. And my personal favorite: when we enunciate our words, or speak fluently with eloquent words, we’re told that we “speak white”. You see, the dilemma of being a black girl in America, even the world, is clearly apparent.

So, ask yourself this: why is being a black girl so difficult?

Dating: I’m too dark for him?!

Anonymous,
Northampton, MA.

He’s a white European, and has never considered black women to be attractive, apparently until he met me and we got to know each other. Since he is curious about interracial relationships, he’s often on youtube watching videos on black and white couples/babies/marriages. Yesterday, he proudly told me that he watched an interracial couple where the woman described herself as a caramel. He then casually added that he would have preferred it if I was caramel, not 60% chocolate or whatever it is I am. I replied that I’m in fact 80% dark chocolate. I was horribly upset at his ignorance, although I have since forgiven him for the comment he made and explained why what he said was hurtful to me.

Mom said brown girls are ugly.

Anna,
Santa Maria, CA.

I am a 47 year old Filipina. I remember being constantly compared to my lighter skinned cousins and feeling awkward to be among my own family. If I could, I would travel back in time and give my 3 year old self a tight hug and tell her how important it is to love herself and to never believe any of the b.s. her mother tells her ever again.

Mom said brown girls are ugly.

Anna,
Santa Maria, CA.

I am a 47 year old Filipina. I remember being constantly compared to my lighter skinned cousins and feeling awkward to be among my own family. If I could, I would travel back in time and give my 3 year old self a tight hug and tell her how important it is to love herself and to never believe any of the b.s. her mother tells her ever again.

Enough to make you look pretty

333695_10150352026055540_2251121_oAdrienne Zimiga,
Minneapolis, MN.

I was born and raised on the Pine Ridge reservation my first 12 years. Upon moving from Batesland, SD to Castlewood, SD my caucasian grandmother was concerned that my brothers, sister, and I could face social problems being part Native American (iyeska: mixed blood/race) in an all white community. She told us “Now you don’t have to go around telling everyone here that you’re Indians. Besides your just enough to make you look pretty.” It was a very confusing statement for me as an adolescent. I came from a place where I was very proud to be who I was as a person and now I have my own grandmother telling me it may be best to keep it under wraps that “Indian” part of me. Anyone who knows me knows THAT will never happen. I’m very proud of my ancestry, my culture, my heritage, and my connection to it. It is the driving force that has made me the person I am today.

You’re Too Pretty To Be Black

Akira Lee,
Virginia Beach, VA

I once had a woman approach me in a restaurant and tell me that I was really pretty. It was my 13th or 14th birthday, and I had dressed really nicely and was proud that someone noticed how beautiful I looked that day. I responded politely to her, and thanked her, upon which she asked me, “What are you?” I replied that I was Black, but she gave me this confused look and said, “But you’re too pretty to be Black. What else are you?” At the time, I didn’t understand that what she said to me was disrespectful and I ended up taking her hurtful words as a compliment. If I knew then what I know now, I would’ve known she said that to me was ignorance and would have simply walked away.

Bi-racial daughter draws Black self portraits.

image8Malika Los Angeles, CA Our daughter began to draw what she saw in the world very early. She wakes up from vivid dreams, grabs a sheet of paper and illustrates the thunder and lightning, fairies and wizards, monsters and princesses from her nighttime imagination. Having grown up in America as a woman of African ancestry, so much of my life has been defined by race. I wanted my daughter, who is bi-racial (black&white) to determine for herself who she is and what she’ll become. It tickles me to see her self-portraits of a brave, dark-skinned girl with brown curly hair that falls off the paper’s edge.

More than “just a Black girl”

Jolie Anne Chevalier,
San Jose, CA.

This is me at eight years old back in 1979, the daughter of an African-American/Seminole Indian mother, and a Irish-French-American father. Growing up, I was faced with contradictions in a world of opposites; although I was multiracial my mother told me I was Black, and to identify as such due to the “one-drop rule”. My father was silent on the matter. I was mistaken as Puerto Rican by my paternal grandfather, and was called “tanned” by some of my White classmates. Grammar school was an alienating time for me; all of my classmates had parents of the same race, except for me. I was deemed to dark to really fit in with the White kids and too light to fit in with the Black kids. So I ended up making friends with two friends who looked past my background; one was White and the other Guyanese/Indian. In high school, most of my closest friends were Latinas since I seemed to look more like them, and once I entered college, I found liberation in open-minded friends who came from all around the country and world. During this time, in my search of my identity, I became somewhat militant, immersing myself into African American culture, and speaking disparaging about White people in general. As I matured out of that phase, I decided to eschew my mother’s influences; that it was okay to listen to “White” aka pop/rock music, that speaking properly did not equate with “speaking White” and that I was free to embrace all branches of my family tree despite my skin tone. I was overjoyed to check the “Other” box on forms once they were finally implemented rather than just “Black”, and even happier that nowadays, I am free to check all races that apply to me. I am proud of my heritage, and will never make allowances or explanations for it ever again. When asked of my background, I simply answer “Triracial” or “multiracial”.

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