Complicated, a foot in two worlds.

Javiera,
San Diego, CA.

My husband often jokes that I’m not “brown” because my light skin makes me look like an average white person. But growing up in rural Missouri, I never felt like a “white” person because I was teased for my hispanic features. I’m not mixed race and was born in a Latinx country, yet somehow feel like I have a foot in both worlds since I lived in the US my whole life. I feel like white people and hispanics want me to choose a team, but being hispanic is more complicated than that; I’m technically both. Despite being percieved as white by some, I have felt discrimination and rejection for being hispanic.

I feel even more conflicted when I think about the children I will eventually have with my white husband. I feel guilty that I’m glad his/her features will most likely be white enough that he/she will not experience discrimination. I’m also sad that because my child will look white he/she won’t feel the connection to a hispanic heritage, and he/she may even feel like an outsider when around other hispanics.


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