Kelly Focht
I am grey asexual, panromantic, and agender. I’m assumed to be a woman either by my looks or my voice and straight by my relationship, not that my sexuality is anyone’s business. I just about can’t leave the house without being misgendered, but am too scared and tired to correct anyone when I am. I had a rock thrown through my bedroom and car window after releasing a video at Capital One about my mental health struggles and how being agender affects me at work. While I have a feeling it was an ex-boyfriend, the case was never looked into that I’m aware of and it could also have to do with the video which showed where I live, making me nervous about speaking publicly again. I’m pushing through those nerves for this.
I once helped start and joined a “pillar” for TQIA+ people at Capital One to help make these changes only to have the leader of the group (I believe a VP or higher) try to explain to me how I came about my pronouns (they/them), regardless of me telling her she was wrong and what she said was offensive. I left the group immediately after out of respect for myself. I will not have my identity explained to me.
I get called “Ma’am” when entering Capital One buildings by security guards and when I check out at lunch or at the bakery. I have to misgender myself to go to the bathroom because despite there being constant construction on the West Creek campus, there are still no single user bathrooms or gender free bathrooms available. Trainings and mass emails still use “he/she”, “he or she” etc. instead of “they” which is more inclusive. This is still going on after 5 years of feedback and meetings with the Diversity and Inclusion team requesting change. It’s like I don’t even exist.
Working from home during the pandemic has been a welcome respite.
