Husband Said Last Name Wasn’t Mine

Annie,
IN.

We just got married about 3 months ago. I am Hmong, and he is white. During some sweet talk, the subject of my surname came up. My husband said, “It’s not [your last name] anymore,” with a smirk. I cried. It was the kind of tears that just came, the kind you cry when there isn’t anything else. I don’t know how he could have been so cruel. He later claimed it was meant to be loving, but I had no words for that.

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4 Responses to "Husband Said Last Name Wasn’t Mine"
  1. Azealia says:

    That’s messed up. You have every right to take your original last name. It’s your cultural heritage and that should be valued — make sure he knows that.

  2. hsartteach says:

    So if it was a mistake to have taken his name, because you feel a loss of heritage, you should change it. Your names can be hyphenated, or you can take it as your middle name, or just simply keep your original last name. You need to feel happy with it for the rest of time!!

  3. ML says:

    What would it take for your husband to change his last name? Can he imagine any circumstance under which he would? I’ve asked this question of men and women who ask me why I didn’t change my last name when I got married. Why should I forfeit my identity? Clearly it can be painful. I wish you luck in deciding what will bring you more peace and keep you close to your heritage.

  4. Chiquita Biddle says:

    I would keep my dad’s and his, dad’s is his and his would be after. Daddy came first and husband came after so, he has to come first, he raised me. Btw, he sounds insecure and controlling.

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