I am mixed with Black, German and Mexican. Growing up I was very confused about what it meant to be mixed. I didn’t feel fully accepted by the Black community because I didn’t have enough black features, was called the “black friend” around white people and didn’t speak Spanish so felt excluded from hispanic communities and was called white washed. This impacted my view of myself and made me feel a bit displaced. I only felt fully accepted when I was around other mixed kids, which is unfortunate. As I got older, I found parts of my identity in being a woman of color and had a heart for minorities. However, in some ways I was pushed out because I wasn’t Black enough-minority enough.
On the other hand, I did experience racism while growing up and it bred a prejudice in me towards white people. I am not proud of the way that I judge white people so harshly on their actions because honestly I expect the worst from them and history has proved that over and over. I know that not all white people are racist and there are some who genuinely mean well. Not initially judging white people off first impressions or preconceived ideas is something I am working on.