I Never Know How to Feel

Plattsburgh, NY

I grew up in a rural upstate NY town–hating everything that seemed bigoted or prejudiced. I loathed a lot of the people I knew in adolescence who held tight to old racist values. I went into college with an open mind and an open heart.

I don’t know what happened next. Our University has a large black population and–even though they had done nothing to me, I began to feel a lot of animosity towards them. The girls who seemed just to act so over the top. The guys who wore suits and tried to compensate for…something? I don’t know. I even began to think that these people smelled ‘different’…

I don’t want to be a racist. I believe we all should have the opportunity to achieve our goals. Yet for whatever reason, I can’t abandon this horrible way of thinking. I disappoint myself a lot.


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