Leigh Ann Mullins-Zugelder
Carmel, IN
For all intents and purposes most people would call me “white” or ” Caucasian” and it always seems like an insult. It means that because of my outward appearance I may receive the ” benefits” of what minorities may not. On the flip side, what also is indicated when someone says ” you white girl” is that I have no ethnicity. It means I have no specific heritage on which I can look back and be proud; no specific language that can set me a part as if to say ‘yes, these are my people and we have such rich history!’ My family is a common mixture in this country- English/German/Native American/Irish/Scottish/etc etc…groups of people who by themselves are incredibly rich with tradition and intrigue and for various reasons came to America in hopes of new starts. So much so, we have nicknamed ourselves the melting pot- meant as a compliment and tribute to these various origins. What ended up happening is exactly what occurs in a melting pot- all the separate components lose their individuality and become one homogenous new creation. We lose any identifying factor especially if most of the separate parts have light skin and blue eyes. My mixed origins are not celebrated they are ignored. We hear African American, Asian American, etc when describing people whose families have been in our country for multiple generations. When do those people just become American like I am? Do I have to wait until all traces of their color and languages have been bread out of them like I have? I am certainly going to draw a few ” poor white girl” remarks when people read this- but why is my struggle with mixed race any less true or confusing? I may look like a WASP but I certainly can not trace my bloodlines in a single ethnic lines for too long until you reach some crossing of strains. This leaves me feeling like a mutt who has no specific origin and whom at the same time should feel guilty because I am the entitled majority. I am an American who is proud of her history, whatever that might be, and seek to be seen as more than vanilla.
