adoption Archives - The Race Card Project

I’m their mom, not the nanny.

May 10, 2026May 11, 2026 adoption, Allison A, babysitter, bi-racial, daughter, I'm not the nanny, mom, nanny, neighbor, WA, Yakima

Allison A,
Yakima, WA.

Sometimes it’s nanny, sometimes it’s babysitter or neighbor, but being asked if I was their grandmother was a first for me. At times, the question is about adoption . . . “Where did you get her?” The questions come from complete strangers, usually white people. The need to figure out this “puzzle,” and what a white woman is doing at the store (insert anywhere public here) with these children is tangible. Maybe they can’t imagine themselves with three bi-racial daughters and want to know more. For the most part, these interactions are not malicious, it’s more out of “polite” curiosity.

My race does not define me

July 10, 2024July 10, 2024 adoption, Catholic, define, disowned, Family, FL, Kristin Koby, mixed, Palm Bay, Race

Kristin Koby,
Palm Bay, FL.

I was put up for adoption before I was even born. A loving white family of 7 took me in and treated me, a mixed race infant, as their own. They soon after adopted a black child so that I could have a sibling my age to grow up with – they were always thinking about what was best for all of us kids…I’m a very lucky person. I’d like to say I’m sorry to all of my family for everything they endured because of adopting me and my brother. I’m sorry that both of my parents families disowned them. The last thing my dad said to his family after they told him that I would never be one of them, was “Get the f*ck out of my house”. I’m sorry the catholic church shunned them and kicked us all out. My very religious parents never stepped foot in a church again because they felt so betrayed. I’m sorry for the big black cars that sat outside our home watching us. I’m sorry for the crosses that were burned in our yard. I’m sorry for all the eyes that turned our way in disbelief and disgust. But I’d also like to say thank you. Thank you for bringing me into a fantastic family. Thank you to my dad’s brother and very Irish mother who stuck by my dad and his decisions. Thank you to my sisters who took me to show and tell. Thank you to my brothers who always joked, “you know, we can always return you if you don’t stop crying” – that would always make me laugh. Thank you to the one pastor from the church that gave us the boot who baptized me in a warehouse and wrote a caring letter to me that I still have to this day. Thank you family for making sure I knew how much you loved me and how special I am. Thank you for pushing me to be the best I can be. Thank you for teaching me that race is not important. Thank you for loving me for me and giving me a chance to grow up in a loving, caring family environment.

People assume my daughter is adopted.

May 25, 2022February 22, 2023 adoption, complextion, daughter, Indian, is that your, MI, mixed, monther Royal oak, stereotype

Rebecca,
MO

I am white and my husband is Indian. My daughter has my husband’s complexion. When we are together as a family people assume that she’s mixed but when I’m out with my daughter alone (which is most of the time) everyone assumes that she’s adopted. People ask me where she’s from or where I got her. She’s still too young to understand these questions but I wonder how she will feel about them when she’s older. I hope she won’t feel less related to me just because other people make that assumption. And I hope someday people will become accustomed to mixed-race families and stop making the assumption in the first place.

Where did you get them from?

November 4, 2021November 4, 2021 adoption, Alli Minch, biracial, but you don't look like, first experience, OR, twins, Veneta

Alli Minch,
Veneta, OR.

When we still lived in California and my biracial twins were very young, a woman stopped me in the store to comment on how cute they were, and asked me where I got them from, since she was interested in adopting. They’re my children, not a designer handbag you can order online. When all four of us are together, no one asks. When my husband goes out with our boys, no one asks. It’s just when I go out with them that the questions come.

I’m not your typical Chinese adoptee

May 3, 2021 adoptee, adoption, box, child, Chinese, Claire, conflicted, OR, Salem

Claire,
Salem, OR

Ever since I was a child I’ve always felt conflicted. As a Chinese adoptee with a white father and a Cuban mother, I’ve never felt myself to be much of anything. It’s like I’ve existed in this weird blob in between races and neither my Asian side nor my culturally white side could fully be satisfied for one reason or another. I used to try to change myself to fit one or the other. In fact, there was a time when I felt the need to shut the door entirely on my Asian side because I felt that I had no connection to it whatsoever regardless of what I looked like or not. But the thing is, as I grew older I realized that I have the power to determine who I am. The social world that I live in may try and mold or squish me into a box. But ultimately, I can be perfectly content in my own little niche in between. Yes, I am not your typical Chinese girl. Yes, I am not your typical white girl. But most importantly, I’m not your typical Chinese adoptee because I make the rules and I know now that everything I am is what I am. Regardless if it is good or bad.

I am not what you see

July 12, 2020July 12, 2020 adoption, James Moore, more than meets the eye, not what you see, Sterling, VA, white

James Moore,
Sterling, VA.

No one told me when I adopted my baby girl that I was no longer white. I had to find out the hard way. One friend at a time. Sadly.

My daughter isn’t a “China Doll.”

June 28, 2020June 28, 2020 adoption, Alexandria, awkward, beautiful, China Doll, daughter, Debra Cope, sterotype, VA

Debra Cope,
Alexandria, VA.

Adoption is beautiful, and I really don’t mind helping others navigate the awkward preconceptions that accompany it. But this phrase just burns me because it equates my spunky, lively child with an object . She’s not my toy — she’s my daughter!

My children jumpstarted my racial identity.

November 6, 2019November 8, 2019 adopted, adoption, Asian, Black, children of color, Concord, experience, Family, Furture, Johnny, jumpstart, Latino, MA, married, people of color, racial identity, white, white parents, wife

Johnny,
Concord, MA.

As a gay Asian man married to a white man with two adopted children of color (one black, one Latino), I came to understand my own racial identity trough the experience of welcoming our two children into our family. It’s taught me that to really provide a strong racial identity for my children, parents need to do the work themselves–including white parents.

Infertility Opens Your Eyes To Acceptance

July 16, 2018July 16, 2018 Acceptance, adoption, Erika Barker, infertility, Mansfield, Open your eyes, PA

Erika Barker
Mansfield, PA

Nothing about infertility is easy.. My husband and I want a family so much but so far we can’t have one. We would love to adopt, and race is not an issue. It makes us see there are deeper and more important things to think about than the color of the skin or the gender of the child. we just want a healthy baby to raise and be our family. no matter what deep love and a lifetime of support are waiting for any child that comes to us. regardless of race.

Closed adoption: racial mystery and more.

January 5, 2017January 10, 2017 adoption, closed, Linda spoon, Wellsville

Linda Spoon
Wellsville, PA

My adopted Black sons are priceless.

October 29, 2015 Accurate, adopted, adoption, Black, black babies, Boston, children in need, demographic, emotionally challenging, MA, sons, thoughtful, Tom DiMartino, white man, young men

Tom DiMartino,
Boston, MA.

I had the immense pleasure of listening to Michele speak today in Boston, and the topic of adoption touched me personally. I am a white man with two adopted black sons who mean more to me than anything in this world. The topic is touchy and Michele’s comments on it were emotionally challenging, thoughtful, and accurate. I wish more people would adopt children in need, as there are still so many more than there are parents. I also wish that I did not know that black boys are statistically less likely to be adopted than any other demographic. If that made an incredibly difficult process easier on some minuscule level for us, so be it. We will forever be proud of the two amazing young men that we are so unbelievably fortunate to be able to call our sons.

Adoption. Origin unknown. OK with that.

September 16, 2015September 16, 2015 adoption, ambiguity, Cindy Droog, Grand Rapids, heritage, MI, origin

Cindy Droog,
Grand Rapids, MI.

Clearly, I am Caucasian. Beyond that, so many people aren’t comfortable with the “origin unknown” concept. They want to tell me that my extremely short stature, or reddened face, must indicate a certain heritage. They have a difficult time understanding that my heritage is not something I’ve sought to understand. Yet I don’t really feel out of place when people talk of the food or other traditions of their heritage. . . even when of mixed race or origin, they have a foundation on which to stand. I don’t – and the ambiguity suits me.

White people shouldn’t adopt tan babies

December 5, 2013 adoption, Asian, babies, Kipp Jarecke-Cheng, Maplewood, NJ, partner, tan

Kipp Jarecke-Cheng
Maplewood, NJ

One day, out of the blue, my seven-year-old son said to me and my partner, “White people shouldn’t adopt tan babies like me.” We were stunned by our son’s comment, partly because it seemed so uncharacteristic of him, but mostly because my “tan” son is Asian, like me, while my partner, my son’s other father, is white. Our son is adopted and we are the only parents he has ever known, and although we live in a diverse community and are surrounded by multicultural, multiethnic friends and family, our son is already acutely aware of what race means in America.

We asked our son why he thought white people shouldn’t adopt tan babies, and he deflected the question and dropped the subject. As an Asian man and as an immigrant, my experience as a minority in America is complicated, and I am very sympathetic with my son’s experiences, perhaps more so that my son’s white father. But it was still surprising that our son would express this idea to us.

I wish I knew what was really behind my son’s statement, but I don’t. I imagine that as he grows older, he will have the capacity to explain what he was thinking when he said what he said.

Black families don’t adopt white babies.

July 6, 2013 adopt, adoption, babies, black babies, culture, MA, mixed, racial, Sudbury, Sue Rushfirth

Sue Rushfirth
Sudbury, MA

It strikes me that one way of assessing just how evolved we are as a culture would be to consider the reaction of most people to a trans racial adoption with black parents and a white baby.

Inter-racial adoption brings racial issues home

April 30, 2013 adoption, Inter-racial, issues, Michael Santarosa, racial, Salt Lake City, UT

Michael Santarosa
Salt Lake City, UT

Black babies cost less to adopt

January 3, 2013 adopt, adoption, African American, babies, Black, cheaper, children, Covington, Family, feel, fertility, infertile, LA, white

Michelle P.
Covington, LA

We decided to adopt a child years ago. We are not infertile, but felt like it was a great way to add to our family, while loving someone who needed us. Our research showed us that African-American children, especially boys, are the least adoptable in our country. We decided to adopt via a non-profit agency, a child of any race. In the US, whether you use a non-profit or a for profit agency, black children are cheaper. I have read the reasoning behind this, but I really don’t care to repeat the rationalizations here. My son was cheaper than if he’d been white. How will he feel, if he ever finds out about that?