Christina,
Centennial, CO

This was a statement I often said between the age of 18-22 years old, in a bragging way. I was young, female, attractive, and white – physical traits that gave me a certain advantage in my interactions with the police. I flaunted a total disregard for the rules and authority figures, after growing up in a very authoritarian home I was somewhat in a state of rebellion. On many occasions I engaged in disorderly conduct, trespassing, vandalism, public intoxication, and other flagrant violations of the laws. When interacting with police, I would call them demeaning names and laugh about it. However, as my brain developed into adulthood I realized just how harmful this statement of privilege is. I have reflected on the likelihood that were it not for the privilege, if any of those traits were different for me, then I would never have gotten away with many of my criminal actions. And, I never did go to jail, though there are at least a dozen instances that would have been justified arrests.
My roomates postgraduate school were named Resard & Desmond. They were both good friends of mine from college marching band, and they were also black men over the height of 6’2″. A few car rides with them taught me that their interactions with police were very different, and they would absolutely never willfully behave the way I had. It wasn’t just the threat of a ticket on the line, it was the fear of arrest & possibility of excessive force as a reaction from the police to any of their own misinterpreted words or actions they might inadvertently demonstrate. I feel a lot of remorse for the way I behaved during that time in my life – not only because of the behaviors, but also because of how I perpetuated the harmful reality of my male friends of color by making this entitled comment.