confidence Archives - The Race Card Project

Biracial woman: strength, confidence, confusion, pain.

April 21, 2021April 22, 2021 biracial, black perspective, confidence, confusion, cost, interracial marriage, learning experience, Melissa Flowers, On Location, pain, privilege, proud, San Antonio, strength, Texas, the race card project, Trinity University, TX, USA, woman

Melissa Flowers,
Trinity University

My mother is caucasian and my father is black. I have immense privilege in my life, and I feel that being a biracial woman gives me a sense of pride which leads to strength and confidence. But this comes at a cost. I am often referred to as “acting white” by colleagues, friends, and even family members. I also feel as though I am looked to to defend or represent the “black perspective” on a number of things professionally. This causes confusion. This causes pain.

Contemplating all of these emotions in the context of being a wife to a black man and a mother to two interracial children has made my identify exploration evermore challenging and complex. Being biracial is a lifelong learning experience – one I embrace proudly.

I have failed my biracial daughter.

March 4, 2016March 4, 2016 bi-racial, biracial, Charlottesville, check the box, confidence, daughter, girl scouts, Michele Malmstrom, self-esteem, VA

Michele Malmstrom,
Charlottesville, VA.

My daughter has always had very low self-esteem. I tried her entire life to address the problem by complimenting her and giving her the tools for building her confidence: cello lesson, in which she excelled, girl scouts where she achieved the silver award, college educated with a B.A. and at 24 she is considering entering a Master’s program, etc. Since reaching adulthood she has opened up a lot about her feelings stating: Both groups – her white side (me) and her black side (her father) have repeatedly told her 1st “You are not really black” (both in color and action) and secondly “If you have even a little black you are considered black.” She says that she doesn’t feel like she belongs anywhere! Not only that but the statements are in complete opposition to each other… When a black person says “You are not really black” they mean “You are not accepted” but when a white person says it, it is meant as an off-handed compliment which of course puts her down instead of builds her up. Conversely, when a black person says “If you are even a little bit black than you are black” comes off just as off-handed as the above “compliment”, you belong to us weather you want to pretend you are white or not.” And obviously, when a white person says it they are saying “you are NOT white”. If I knew then what I know now I would have pushed her on her father’s side instead of leaving it up to him to see her. I have failed my biracial daughter!