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Fast dances, yes; slow dances, no.

Jo Paoletti,
University Park, MD

From diary, when I was 16:

September 24, 1965
I had a great time at the dance tonight – no Vincent S.! Boy am I glad. It bothers me to see all the guys I used to hang around with in 7th and 8th grade now going off with other girls of –well– uncertain morals! I did dance, though. I danced with Brian, Marcia’s brother, he’s 2 years younger than me but OK, and Ronny B., a colored boy. I was nervous about dancing with him, but I did — 3 times.

My reflection, nearly 50 years later:

Ronny was one of two African American “exchange” students who came up to New Milford in the fall of 1965. Ralph, the other one, stayed the whole school year and had a great time — prom king, all kinds of yearbook superlatives. Ronny, quiet and bespectacled, had more trouble fitting in. He was in some of my classes, and we enjoyed taking about school and books. We danced three times that night — fast dances, like the Pony, which was one of my favorites. But when he asked me to slow dance, I told him I didn’t know how.

What I really didn’t know how to do, at 16, was do anything that my peers would have remotely frowned upon — like slow dancing with a “colored boy”. Sorry, Ronny. I really wanted to, but I was too chicken.

Oh and I have a feeling that was no “exchange” program, ’cause no one from my Connecticut school went to Alabama!

Half In, Half Out, Not Mixed

Anonymous,
LA

I was raised in an odd grey area between Cajun and Southern White, without really fitting into either group.

The first thing people ask when I eventually mention my heritage is, “can you speak French?” To which I respond, with great embarrassment and shame, “no.” Most people just give a disappointed or confused look, but there have been those who voice what everyone thinks:

“If you don’t speak French, you’re not a ‘true’ Cajun, are you?”

My identity comes under fire and I am forced to explain myself, saying that the blood in my veins is part of the Diaspora, that I grew up with the same dishes and dances and folktales that Cajuns hold so dear. But I can’t speak French, and my last name doesn’t sound French, and my appearance isn’t French, so I’m just southern white. I’m blended into a group that is so incredibly varied but crammed into the same box of being “cultureless Americans.”

And then I feel as though I have no right to claim my heritage, that by doing so I’m insulting the “true Cajuns,” the folks who speak French and sound French and look French. Can I still call myself Cajun, if I was raised detached from a larger Cajun community, with only fractured traditions and mixed bloodlines to mark me as kin? Can I ever call the Acadiens my people, or will I always just be considered another “white?”

The only folk who have ever called me Cajun without me first telling them of my ancestry have been some black folks who, upon hearing my watered-down, drawl-heavy version of speech, called me a “coonass,” “mutt,” and “savage white,” in that order. Part of me raged, part of me felt oddly accepted.

I’m still unsure as of what to do, of what to call myself. People are so polarized about labels nowadays, so much so that I feel that calling myself anything other than “white” would be met with hostility. Fourth-generation this, blood quantum that…why do we measure our heritage in DNA tests and linguistics? Why can’t we be of mixed ethnicity and still be considered a part of our diaspora?

Why can’t I just be me?

Blackanese is not Black or Japanese.

myselfBrian Murray,
Seattle, WA.

Growing up it was always hard to find my own identity because I came from a bi-racial background. I am half Black and half Japanese and always had problems being accepted by either racial group because of my uniqueness. Although coming from a low-income housing development called the Rainier Vista Projects did help me to identify with my Black roots as it was a predominantly African-American community and as the saying goes, ” If you have one drop of Black blood you are Black”, and your birth certificate is proof of that.

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