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White female, eager learner, poor listener

Terry Tringali Killoran,
Sterling Heights, MI

I had black friends growing up. I thought I did. We played together at school and after school at their house, or ours, in the driveway. Little did I know that’s because my parents wouldn’t let them come inside our house, and vice versa. And I remember once I asked if she could come to dinner and my father said NO so fast and loud that I jumped because it scared me. The friendships lasted until they moved away before junior high school. They wanted a more “comfortable“ neighborhood to grow up in. Not until I was an adult did I understand that statement.

Pain is hard, friends are complicated

Jaclyn Flint,
Elmira, NY

I’ve been through a lot of pain, friends are complicated. You hang out with people for so many years, don’t know they’re racists, or jerks. Automatically if you’re with those people, you’re the same as them. When will it be normalized as ‘just because you hang out with them, you’re not like them’? Those friends have hurt me a lot and I’m still friends with them for the same reason as most people, I’ve known them and only them really. No one else wanted to be friends with me, this was my group and even though we had some rough times, the pain I had got set aside, because to them I’m “white and supposed to push through the pain because people have it worse”. Yes, people have it worse but just because I’m white, doesn’t mean I can’t have feelings because news flash, my life is rough too, which was a shocker to them.

Just one never happened friendship story

Julie B.,
Itasca, IL.

This story started on social network, I followed one blogger I have mutual friend with. She is black woman in her 30th, single. I was reading her timeline and it was pretty interesting meaning her style and subjects she chooses. We started exchanging comments and “likes” and everything was fine, I felt like she likes talking to me and we have thing in common until, I can’t even tell what happened, but after I sent her a friend request she blocked me completely… I read through our conversation and I could not find even one message that can give me an idea why it happened. I am white, I am 40. I have a kid and I am single. Her profile public, so all friends and family can read it. I have a feeling that because I came too close like becoming friends she decided she doesn’t need it or she was advised do not do that or I got really weird feeling that she play me from beginning just to be able to dump at the end… I don’t know why I think this way but seems like no other explanation. She has a video about people negativity, racism and many other post about social problems however we never touched that subject. Now I can only guess what went wrong. I am disappointed and surprised that people do such a childish things. I see only one reason – I am white and she hates me in general.

“White” is not a skin tone

R.E.A.L. Talk,
High Tech Middle Media Arts,
7th Grade Trailblazer

It has always confused me when people call others “white”, or “black”, because no one’s skin is “black”, or “white”. Besides, no one names their kids the color of their skin, so why do we call them that? In the past I have made myself feel guilty because someone once told me that I was Hitler’s version of “pure” and “perfect, ”blonde hair, blue eyes. I also feel responsible, and feel that I have to be racist because throughout most of history, I would be what was thought of as the “superior race”. When I was in 4th grade someone told me that I was racist because me and all my friends were “white”. I thought that meant that I had to be friends with other “races” just to prove that I was not racist even if I had nothing in common with them and didn’t get along with them. I have now learned that I should be friends with people because they are what I look for in a friend and “race” has nothing to do with friendship.

Race doesn’t exist, but racism does

Race is NOT real, yet it could mean life or death for someone. According to Vox, an American news website, “There isn’t a race chromosome our DNA that people can point to it simply doesn’t exist, this of course does not mean that the concept of race isn’t hugely important in our lives”. Although race is not scientifically and biologically real it can affect someone’s life greatly. Evidence from the American Anthropological Association says that “Physical variations in the human species have no meaning except the social ones humans put on them”. Therefore if humans hadn’t made these categories there would be no race or racism. “During the 19th century people used “race” to justify the retention of slavery”. This means that race was created so that certain people could have power over others and get free labor. Proving that racism created race because of the human hunger for power and categories. Although race does not biologically exist, unfortunately since we made these “racial categories,” racism does. So let’s end this social construct that we created for power, because we are one race… The human race!

Begin: Befriend someone different than you.

Karen Fritts,
USA.

We talk and talk about race, but most of us stay in their own corners during the discussion. We cannot begin to understand each other from a distance. We cannot begin to trust one another without understanding. Are you willing to foster a friendship with someone different…a friendship that you are comfortable bringing into your home, your community? A friendship where you are comfortable entering another’s home, another’s community? This is not the answer, but we have to begin somewhere.

Black friends’s father forbid our friendship.

Patricia Armstrong
St. Louis, MO

I was no more than 7 years old and made friends with a black girl in the neighborhood. We really had a lot of fun together and my family did not object. After a few weeks, I was invited to her house. After her father saw my white skin, he told her she could not be friends with me. My first understanding of racism was that day. I understood how badly it hurt.

She really was my best friend.

Suzanne Axtell
Santa Rosa, CA

Despite years of developing a very close relationship, my friendship with the only black woman in my circle of friends crumbled with my first marriage. I’m not sure what role, if any, race had to do with it. We haven’t spoken in nearly 15 years, but I miss her terribly. I haven’t been able to establish that kind of profound friendship since.

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