husband Archives - The Race Card Project

A Southern Belle? No. Korean husband.

June 1, 2026June 5, 2026 Chicago, heritage, husband, IL, Korean, Leah Lee, married, Southern Belle, surname

Leah Lee (now Leah Durst-Lee),
Chicago, IL.

Keeping cultural heritage is very important to me, so when I married my husband, Sihyun Lee, I wanted our kids to have a Korean surname. Our first year and a half of marriage, I took my husband’s name and became ‘Leah Lee.’ It was awful! Almost everyone I introduced myself to stifled a laugh and proceeded to ask me something about the American South. My mom is a Californian and I am from Iowa, so naturally I couldn’t speak to anything ‘Southern.’ Once people grew to know me more, many insisted on a nickname of ‘LeahLee’ slurred together in a Southern drawl. Needless to say, I recently hyphenated my name and haven’t received a single new Southern belle quip.

White husband doesn’t need passport. Safe.

September 21, 2025 husband, passport, safe, white

Anonymous,
USA

One day I was looking for my passport because I wanted to make sure I had it with me when going out. As a Hispanic woman, I want to feel safe to go out of the house. That same day my husband, who is white, showed me his new hat and asked me how he looked. I responded with, “you look like someone who doesn’t need to carry his passport to leave the house.” This comment started an interesting conversation about our concerns with how “safe” we feel in our own country. I have lived in the states all my life and still feel like at any moment I may be taken away or told I don’t belong. Meanwhile my husband, doesn’t have to think twice.

FLEW through Security :) …husband stuck behind. :(

September 11, 2025September 18, 2025 9/11, husband, KB, KY, Louisville, racial profiling, security, TSA, wife

KB
Louisville, KY

I can’t count how many times I have been through airport security, worldwide, including dozens of times with my husband. I’m a white “girl next door” type. My husband is harder to peg (he has been “read” as Chinese, Okinawan, Thai, Indian, Arab and more, although he is from Mexico). Whenever we travel we have come to expect delays for him in security, while I regularly breeze through. It just doesn’t feel random.

Raising Romindian boys: Sure, Smart, Kind!

May 13, 2025May 13, 2025 50%, AZ, East Indian, husband, interracial marriage, kind, mixed, parent, Romanian, Romindian, Scottsdale, smart, son, sure, Vasvi Babu

Vasvi Babu,
Scottsdale, AZ.

Romindian: 50% East Indian, 50% Romanian. Married 21 years at a time when few Indian women married outside their own. Boys know who they are because my husband and I know who we are and what we stand for.

Still learning, messing up, and loving

February 5, 2025 husband, Latinx, learn, listening, love, maerriage, Minneapolis, MN, Zara

Zara,
Minneapolis, MN

My husband is Latinx, I am white. We come from different worlds but have built a life together. We both see how we’ve still got more to learn about each other and others, but it’s terrifying to come to terms with your shortcomings. Everything I have learned about race has been through mistakes, hard lessons, and intentional listening.

Si Senor! I am US citizen

April 2, 2024April 2, 2024 Baltimore, biracial, checkpoint, citizenship, Half, Heidy Avila Murillo, husband, MD, mixed, passing, police, senor, stereotype, US Citizen

Heidy Avila Murillo,
Baltimore, MD.

My marriage is biracial, I am Hispanic and my husband is a Caucasian born in Maryland. This year after obtaining my US citizenship, my husband and I decided to have three days vacations in Canada. We visited Niagara Falls, Toronto city, and since I love Diego Rivera’s artwork, we decided to have an adventurous driving trip and passed by Detroit Museum of Art, which has original copies of Rivera’s murals.

When passing through the border checkpoint between Canadian area and Detroit, an officer asked for our passports, he reviewed mine very carefully. He started asking us what was our relationship? We said we are married, He replay for how long?, we answer 4 years. He asked back and directed the question toward my husband like if I didn’t understand English, and said Why she hasn’t change her name? My husband replied, “Well she doesn’t want it. “ After that he asked more questions; from where we are coming from? For how long we have been in Canada?, what was our purpose of coming to Detroit? For how long we are planning to stay in Detroit etc, etc. Still after answered all his questions, he didn’t seem satisfied. At the end he told us to park our cars and so we can pass by the office to be checked.

I got it officers in any checkpoint border need to check people’s passports, but this officer’s behavior wasn’t correct, why all that questions? What if we were just being friends, or complete strangers? What it is wrong if I don’t want to change my Latino name for a more Westernized? we were after all US citizens.

With this experience, the only conclusion that I can make is that his officer had his head “full of stereotypes” I guess it was hard for him to accept the idea that biracial marriages really exist, and that people like me “Hispanic looking” can also be citizens like him, but I don’t blame him, my passport was the only evidence that I had to prove it.

Privilege is Ability to Choose Blindness

January 28, 2024January 28, 2024 Colorblindness, Hannah Oh, husband, Korean, Provo, racial slur, smalltalk, UT, white woman

Hannah Oh,
Provo, UT

I grew up thinking that “colorblindness” was laudable.
To be colorblind was to be “not a racist”.
When people brought up race to me, I thought how misguided they were to obsess over race instead of choosing to ignore race and look at people individually.

Then, one day, I was walking in the park with my husband, a Korean immigrant. We were pushing my sweet, beautiful 8 month old baby in her stroller, enjoying the summer and the perfectly manicured lawn and trees.

Suddenly, I remember hearing a truck revving nearby, and then I heard someone scream out at me.

I tried to ignore it, hoping I’d imagined it. My husband and I were walking faster, maybe just matching paces, maybe both racing forward. We started making stilted smalltalk.

Finally, he said, “You heard it, didn’t you?”

I started crying. “Yes.”

The young men had shouted at me, the white woman, “Hey, what are you doing with those Ch**ks?!”

He said that not just about my husband, who was minding his own business, but about our perfect, innocent baby.

That was the day I realized what white privilege is: White privilege is the ability to be colorblind. It is the ability to be ignorant of racism, because it is avoidable.

My daughters and my son will never have white privilege.

Being colorblind is a choice….but only for some.

Yes, I married a Vietnamese man.

July 17, 2023July 18, 2023 husband, interracial marriage, issues, Kaylin Nguyen, small town, VA, Williamsburg

Kaylin Nguyen,
Williamsburg, VA

My husband and I have been together for four years now. I am white, he is Vietnamese. I am originally from a small town in Virginia where there is not much diversity and let me tell you, people notice. In other areas as well we feel like there is still a bit of judgment when it comes to our interracial marriage and I know there are many couples out there who deal with the same issues. The color of people’s skin should never be a defining factor of their character or who they should decide to spend their lives with.

Caucasian in Hawaii, treated as outsider

October 18, 2022October 18, 2022 Annie H, caucasian, health care, HI, Home, Honolulu, husband, job, majority, neighborhood, outsider, tables turned, visitor

Annie H,
Honolulu, HI

Even after living in Hawaii over 25 years (moved for employment – my husband was recruited for a hard to fill position in health care, and I have worked for two prominent Hawaii organizations), I still encounter people assuming I do not live here, and asking, “How are you enjoying your visit?” Also other examples of being seen as an outsider, when using the local park where we live 2 blocks away, we often experience the vibe, “Why are you using our public spaces?” from other folks who drive in from other neighborhoods. It has been very eye opening with the tables turned from when we lived on the East Coast as part of the majority. Have honed my humility and empathy.

Not Mexican Looking “You know Spanish!?”

February 7, 2022February 8, 2022 CA, CBU HIS 311, Chinta, Daisy Reyes, first experience, Hundu, husband, interracial dating, little, Mexican-American, Mexico, question, Race, Rialto, son mom, young

Daisy Reyes,
Rialto, CA.

Even as a little girl in Mexico I was the “Chinita” (little Chinese). When I came to the U.S., I was either confused with Filipino or just Asian when people couldn’t figure out which race. My now husband, has been confused with a Hindu. We are both Mexican-born. But the thing I always get when I talk in Spanish to him or my son is “You know Spanish!?” follow by “I thought you were Filipino or Asian” Even Filipinos have confused me as Filipino. Funny thing my husband calls me “My Chinita” and friends of him asked him if I was really Chinese. Now with my son, I wonder if he would encounter any racial questions once he grows up. It has never bothered me that I get confused, I am proud to be Mexican-American and we are going to pass down our heritage to our son. Shout out CBU HIS311!

I hope he’ll look “American” enough.

November 29, 2021November 29, 2021 American, Asian, CA, husband, Japanese, Katrina Nye, look, San Jose

Katrina Nye
San Jose, CA

I am full Asian and my husband is a quarter Japanese. Once our son was born I asked my husband which one of us will have the responsibility to give him “the talk” about dealing with racism. My husband replied that it had to be me, because even though he was proud of his Asian heritage, he looked “American enough” to not have to deal with racism growing up.

Do not kiss the taxi driver!

June 19, 2021June 19, 2021 1977, Anne Sanasy, assume, Bradford England, cab, first experience, husband, Kiss, Mauritius, taxi driver

Anne Sanasy,
Bradford England

In 2012 I suffered a brain hemorrhage, I am white British, my husband is from Mauritius, we married in 1977, he took me to a stroke club, and as he left – I gave him a kiss, the lady running the group said Anne don’t kiss the taxi driver! I was shocked – I said to her, this is my husband of more than 30 years, to him I said, she thinks I’m so affected -I don’t know who you are .

White husband became Iranian September eleventh.

May 11, 2021August 16, 2022 9/11, Chicago, husband, IL, Iranians, Maren Robinson, Middle-Eastern, National Geographic, September 11th, white

Maren Robinson
Chicago, IL

I watched how my American-born half-Iranian husband went from being perceived as white (Iranians are Caucasian) to being perceived as vaguely “middle eastern” (eliciting double takes on trains and extra searches at airports) after September 11th. He is an actor, so I have also watched him play characters who are Caucasian, Spanish, Jewish, Armenian, French, and of course various middle eastern characters and it is still something he struggles with feeling the advantaged of being raised white, but playing other races, with other dialects and languages. I have also watched his increasing discomfort as he tries to reconcile the complex issues of race and the current American discomfort with anyone who seems to be middle eastern with his artistic practice.

Find yourself a nice husband, sweetie.

May 4, 2021May 4, 2021 husband, OR, Salem, Sophie Cleland

Sophie Cleland,
Salem, OR

Learn to cook for your husband

April 12, 2021April 12, 2021 cook, Fajr Iqbal, husband

Fajr Iqbal

Thank you for pointing that out.

November 15, 2020November 16, 2020 category, descent, Dutch, husband, label, Lani Broederlow, last name, point it out, Polynesian, Salt Lake City, UT

Lani Broederlow,
Salt Lake City, UT.

I am Polynesian. I have been told that my appearance does not reflect my last name. It is of Dutch descent and the funny thing is, it’s not even my last name; it’s my husband’s. It’s strange how we tend to sort each other into categories and labels. I don’t know that we will ever stop.

I’m done with all the fights

September 20, 2020September 21, 2020 African, bone structure, Cara, Civil War, debate, fight, French, human, husband, irish, label, riot, Spanish, UT, white privilege

Cara,
UT.

I have been having debates with my husband for a long time. We have spoken about how there is trained racism and acknowledge white privilege to a point. There are still one points that do not make total sense to us but we are tired. We have best friends who are of other colors who have both been the victim and the perpetrator. I am caucasian due to my Irish/french/spanish genes. I don’t understand anymore. I don’t understand why we can’t all just act like humans and label ourselves as human. Most of the Africans and African Americans I have met are very successful people, very funny and have excellent bone structure. I don’t see a persons skin though the last few days I have been trying if only for a better chance to observe what I am confused about. My whole life I was taught to treat people as people. Yet in the last years people have been rioting about crime and hate. I feel almost like the world in regressing into a terrible version of the post civil war era. I never want that to happen. But right now I am terrified of saying the wrong thing to be called a racist. I don’t feel I am. I have worked on projects with almost every culture and skin color through my life. I just don’t understand anymore why we can’t all just be human and treat each other like humans.

Just because my husband is white.

June 15, 2020June 15, 2020 Ferguson Police Officer Wife, husband, MO, O'Fallon, peace, police officer, protest, whife, white, wife

Ferguson Police Officer Wife,
O’Fallon, MO.

Just because he is a white police officer, doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. He grew up in this community and has just as much of a right to work here as anyone else. I should not have to worry myself sick if he will come home every night. Protest peacefully!

Join the Newsletter

Info

Join our community