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The Day After The World Changes

Duryan Bhagat-Clark,
Aberdeen, NJ.

My father is an immigrant from Bombay, India. He moved here to go to college and graduate school. He is Muslim. While working at Rutgers University he met my mother; she is Jewish. They were married within a year. As I often joke, I know there will never be peace in the Middle East as there was never peace in our home. They split when I was 13.

Growing up, my father used to “Americanize” his name so people would not have a hard time. Instead of Abbas, he became Abe and instead of Bhagat (pronounced Bah-gaht) we became the “Bag-its.” You have no idea of the “bag it Bhagat” jokes. Once at a summer picnic with my father’s next door neighbors, they asked what my stepmother’s name was. Apparently she too had been Americanized from Zulie to Julie.

When I got to college and then entered the professional world, I began to insist on being called Bah-gaht. My first name became Dur-ee-yan, instead of Dorian and the nickname of Dur. I began to insist people get it right. Hanging up on cold callers if they didn’t pronounce it right. Really getting mad when I was called Mr. Bagit.

I took pride in the fact I was a first generation American. When asked my ethnicity I often answered American and didn’t volunteer any more information. If asked I would answer my father was Indian and that my mother was Jewish American. I tend to leave the ethnic box unchecked as American is not an option.

And then September 11, 2001 happened. At the time I was living in a small section of Brooklyn in the smoke cloud of the Twin Towers.

The day after, as I walked through my lovely neighborhood, I heard a comment following me. “Damn Arabs, I so (expletive) sick of them.” A friend kept me moving not allowing me to turn around. A few blocks later I got various dirty looks from people. Was I imagining it? I asked her if she saw it and she didn’t respond.

How do you respond? I’ve lived here my entire life. Not only am I a first generation American, I’m Jewish and participate in a Jewish life. I have been in Israel during a bomb attack in the 80s. I was in the center of downtown Los Angeles during the riots in the 90s. I have seen the pain of people attacking people. I also feel the rage of what has happened at the World Trade Center. I, too, was shocked and pained by watching the second tower collapse. I, too, checked for missing loved ones.

And yet, in the aftermath I was judged by my neighbors for the color of my skin.

My mom apologized. She never thought my brother and I would face challenges because of our skin color. When she married my father, it was about black and white. Today it’s about brown, black, white, yellow and green. She actually commented that it was good I walk home with my husband, an apple-pie American from Colorado, so as not to be a target.

In the ’50s light-skinned African Americans passed for white. I have passed for numerous ethnicities, including Italian (according to my butcher and my older friends at physical therapy), Hispanic and even, Israeli. It was never a big deal. I am what I am.

In the days that followed, I went to work and tried to pick up and move forward. But I was still angry. Once, someone mentioned my last name had given me a step up in hiring as it corporately translated to minority. This was one of many reasons I decided to keep my last name when I got married. Cold reality, but true. In the days after 9/11, I seriously considering becoming a Clark – without the hyphenation. Americanization by marriage.

I miss eating Vindaloo with Dad.

Wilhelmine Taylor,
Australia.

My father’s family was originally from India, but his mother was Scottish/Danish. People tended to assume he was a white guy with a deep tan, so when he and I went out for curry, the restaurant employees were surprised when he ordered vindaloo. One of my happiest memories of him was the time when, after Dad’s vindaloo had been brought out, all the restaurant staff came out and stood in the kitchen doorway and watched him eat as though he was defusing a bomb in front of them.

In many ways, my father’s family history is a generations-long tragedy. When Dad’s great-grandfather moved to Australia from India, he did so as the brown adopted son of an otherwise white, English family. His adoptive father appears to be the only member of the family who wanted him. Dad’s great-grandfather tried his hardest to fit in, and doing that meant leaving his culture behind and trying to become an English gentleman. Every generation after him was taught to blend in- to dress white, and act white, and to marry the whitest person they could find.

Dad married my blonde mother, but he also ate vindaloo, and he was the first member of his family in a hundred years to reconnect with Indian culture. He was proud of who he was and where his family was from, though for most of his life it wasn’t safe to talk about that in public. The racist undercurrent in Australia has a terrible impact, and even now the emphasis is still on assimilation and toning down cultural differences, when it should be on celebrating diversity in all its myriad forms.

But because Dad was the only member of his family to reconnect with his heritage, I can’t talk about that with his family. They’re all pretending to be white. So I’m here, telling a stranger that I miss my late father, who loved vindaloo.

Adopted from India lived in NH

554906_10151523394633812_1490755141_nKayla Eckhoff,
Denver, CO.

I was just a year old when I was adopted, I was born in India and grew up in a small town in New Hampshire. For the most part I had a normal childhood, especially growing up in an all white community. Went to school, made friends, played school sports. Though recently my mother noted to me that when I was in the third grade my teacher asked the class why we have Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and one of my classmates comment was: “Because of Kayla?”, but overall my childhood was great! It wasn’t until high school and college that I noticed comments, whether they were trying to be funny, sincere or just state the obvious. One of the first times it happened, I was 15, at my first job, I was bussing tables and a young white couple pulled me aside and started talking to me in this unusual, forgien language. I politely told them that I didn’t understand and they immediately replied by saying, “Oh we just thought you would know since you’re Indian, right?” Some commments such as: “Shouldn’t you be in an arranged marriage?”, that one was when I was 21 at the bar with my friends by a middle-aged, drunk man. “You speak really good english!”, “Namaste, that’s Indian right?” (in a women’s restroom).

However, they are still places in the United States today that are really haven’t changed or tried to with, especially interracially speaking. I did go down south on a road trip with my boyfriend, who is a blue-eyed white male, and some friends and you could tell they weren’t please seeing my boyfriend and I holding hands or rubbing each others backs. People ask me all the time if it bothers me, and yeah it gets old, but I don’t take any of it to heart. I just laugh it off and soemtimes that’s all you can do.

Wow, you speak English really well!

Screen-shot-2013-05-16-at-9.30.32-PMSharmila Guha,
Oakland, CA.

It was my first summer job after high school. A man in the lunch room one day tried to ask shy me this odd questions… which just left me stunned. I was born and raised in Los Angeles; why wouldn’t I speak English well? I guess the “dad from India and mom from Philippines” thing really confuses people.

Jewish daycare, Catholic college, Hindu wedding

Charles Hirsch
Mount Washington, MA

I had the wonderful opportunity to grow up in a multicultural community. I attended daycare sponsored by the Jewish Community Center, was a confirmed member of the Congregational church (United Church of Christ), I chose to enroll at Catholic Saint Michael’s college where I learned about Catholicism, Buddhism, and Hinduism. I have worked for the YMCA based in New Haven and Bridgeport, CT, which serves inner city families along with members living in some of the most affluent neighborhoods in the country. I met my wife who was born in India and grew up in Australia and we were married in a modified Hindu wedding ceremony. I am white, upper middle class but I have had the opportunity to experience friends, co-workers, and families who shared ideas from all walks of life and from all corners of the globe. It is hard for me to understand how individuals of any race feel different because I have never been a part of that. The only people I try to avoid are those who promote the idea(s) that “other types of people” are less than or deserve less. I know this makes it difficult for me to empathize and/or understand the “other side”. I just get angry at signs of racism, segregation, or intolerance.

Not Really Indian, American Born Desi.

Photo-Rahul-IyerRahul Iyer
Mesa, AZ

Not Really Indian, American Born Desi is what could be used to describe me.

Not Really Indian (NRI) is a term that is often coined to describe people of Asian Indian background who were born outside of India. The actual legal term used by the Indian Government is Nonresident Indian (NRI). American Born Desi refers to my background. “Desi” being a colloquial term in India meaning “of the mother land”. Indians refer to the Indian homeland as “Desi”.

This classification does fit me. I am born in Chicago. I am an American. I am a Midwesterner. I attempted to join the USAF at one time. I behave like an American. I speak English like a Chicagoan. I have absolutely no trace of an Asian accent. My name is typical Indian. I am an Engineer.

To a person that does not know me, they are often surprised when the call me. I remember in a professional setting where I was on a conference call with others where I work. There were people on the line from Belgium, and elsewhere, in addition to the USA. When I was addressed, I spoke. I guess my accent floored them. They were expecting an Indian sounding accent when I spoke English. Instead they heard a Midwestern American accent. This is the stereotype that is placed on me.

The same can be said for how I look. If asked where I am from, I answer, “Chicago”. Those around me never seem to let go, forcing me to reveal, “My parents immigrated from India in the 1970s.” I find it strange, as when I travel to Bombay, I am mistaken for a local, yet in the USA I am mistaken for an Indian.

This is my take on race.

Rahul Iyer

Really? Are both your parents Indian?

Shevon Desai
Ann Arbor, MI

My parents emigrated from India to the US over 50 years ago. In terms of ethnicity, I think of myself as South Asian – but in terms of race, we are officially Caucasian (my family are Parsis – Indian Zoroastrians whose ancestors originally came from Iran).

Race and ethnicity for me are often a moving target. I have fair skin and dark hair, so I can “pass” for all sorts of ethnic groups. The comment above happens occasionally, since I don’t fit the expectation of what someone from India should look like. I’m not offended; I appreciate others’ curiosity and their desire to learn more about “where” I’m from.

And incidentally, when I’m asked where I’m from, my first answer is usually “Texas” (I was born and mostly raised in TX.)

Saudi born, ethnically Indian, I’m American.

Akul Nishawala
New Orleans, LA

This is usually the narrative of the story that answers the question, “Where are you from?” When I say I was born in Saudi Arabia, my brown skin leads people to say, “So, you’re Saudi?” No, my parents are from India. “Oh, so you’re from India.” No, I’ve never lived in India, and my parents became citizens after they immigrated to the U.S. “Oh, so….” I’m a U.S. citizen, and have been since I was born. It’s complicated, because I grew up in Saudi, but I’m not “from” there, nor do I relate to Saudi culture since I lived on on expat compound which could be compared to a military base that had a school, little league, swimming pools, and anything else a suburb would have.

My name tells a great story.

Lise (rhymes with ‘please’),
Austin, TX.

My 6-word essay was originally “What kind of name is that?”– a question (both the polite and impolite versions) I’m regularly asked. My answer is something like this:

“Well, my last name is Indian (yes, like from India)–sort of. My father’s family is from India, but the name changed when they moved to Trinidad. Trinidad? It’s in the Caribbean–no, not near Mexico. My first name is a typical French Canadian name–pronounced Leez, like ‘please’, without the ‘P.’ No, it’s not ‘lice.’ You don’t have to say “what were your parents thinking when they named you ‘lice’,” because that’s not my name. And it’s not pronounced Lisaay (stop trying to exoticfy me.) Yes, I was born in Montreal. Yes, I’m Canadian, eh (sarcastic smile.) No really, I’m Canadian.”

But my name is more than this unintentionally rehearsed reply. My name connects me to a story that precedes me and will continue when I’m gone. My name tells a great story–an epic tale of adventure, (sometimes unacceptable) love, hope and courage that spans over a century and almost covers the globe. Here’s an abridged version:

(As I understand it) when my paternal great grandparents migrated from India to the Caribbean island of Trinidad as agricultural laborers, they diluted their Hindu names and accepted a more West Indian version. To this day, I don’t know what that original Indian name was– maybe Raghubir; maybe Raghbirsingh. Some Indians insist that my family is from the north of India, while others swear we are from the south. My grandfather was born in Trinidad and given a Christian first name so that he would fit in to the predominantly Christian population of the British colony. For reasons that no one is sure of, my grandfather and each of his siblings, although they all had the same parents, had different surnames. My grandfather’s chosen first and last names: Alfred Raghbir.

As a young man, Alfred met Nellie; a beautiful, light-skinned creole girl, with “soft- hair.” Her family was middle-class, with yellow skin, likely descendants of French plantation owners and illicit affairs. Nellie didn’t think she could marry a man whose family ate curried dahl off banana leaves while they sat on the floor. But she did. They had six children. Their eldest son, my father, eventually moved to Montreal, Canada to study at McGill University. An excellent education would provide limitless opportunities for him. Since his grandparents arrival from India almost 100 years earlier, aside from short holidays, he was the first member of his family to leave the Caribbean.

My maternal great grandmother met my great grandfather when she was fifteen (maybe older, maybe younger.) He was married, with children and a wife who had come with him from Portugal, to Trinidad. As a girl, my great grandmother and her mother (who came from one of the smaller West Indian islands, probably some generations after the arrivals from Africa) took care of the Portuguese man’s wife, his children and his other needs. The Portuguese man and my great grandmother had four children together. He took care of her and her half black, half Portuguese children– one of whom was my grandmother.

In her late teens, my grandmother met a red- skin boy who was good with his hands. He had a girl’s first name and a French last name pronounced nothing like the French would pronounce it– in Trinidad, Auguste is pronounced ‘O’Geese.’ He was part black, Carib or Arawac (“native Indians of the colony” as my mother would say) and his last name would have come through some kind of French heritage. Was it from a slave owner 200 years ago? Or more recently? We don’t know. My grandmother’s mother (the same woman who had four children with the married Portuguese man) didn’t approve of her daughter’s love interest. She hoped her daughter would do better than a mechanic. But the illegitimate child of the Portuguese family man and his servant, married the mechanic and they had 10 children. One of whom is my mother– who, after receiving her higher education in the UK, followed my father to Montreal.

I was born and raised in Montreal– first generation Canadian. My first name is a very common French-Canadian name. Lise. My parents say they simply liked the name–it wasn’t motivated by the hope that I’d fit in to a French- Canadian culture. Which is good, because as many first generation Canadians know, we only fit, because we were all different. I went to school in French and English and most of my friends spoke a third language when I was growing up. I don’t remember being asked about my name while I lived in Montreal. There were those with names far stranger than mine.

Fast forward to adulthood when, after I left Montreal for grad school in Boston (in search of my own limitless opportunities), I took a job in NYC and eventually ended up in Philadelphia where I met a nice Italian-American man. I followed him to Austin, TX, where we live with our young daughter. Her first name is Auguste (pronounced the French, not Trinidadian way) and she has an Italian last name. Because of the appearance her mixed heritage has given her, she will undoubtedly be asked, “What kind of name is that?” I hope she’s proud of the great story her name tells.

Sir, please take your “hat” off

Jasneet Kaur Palaha,
Ann Arbor, MI.
University of Michigan.

Sikhism, a monotheistic religion from Northern India believes the idea of simplicity, therefore requiring to never cut your hair, along with other requests. Men usually tie their hair neatly in a turban, whereas girls commonly let it down. Wherever we were, my father would be frisked or forced to remove his turban. Hearing slurs and being referred to as “Taliban” only confirmed his faith to spread awareness about Sikhism. As Sikhs, we respect all races, creeds, genders, and essentially, humanity. The “hat” is not headgear, but a representation of courage and acceptance. We must end racial battles with no purpose.

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