What questions can start a conversation
Dale,
Medford, OR
I am reading your Conversations book realizing many questions come off as offensive and would like to know what questions could start a conversation
Acceptable, only after identified as Hawaiian
Nedra De Lima,
White Plains, MD.
Experienced “minority status” when we moved stateside from Hawaii in the 70s. I was most often identified as Hispanic/Mexican. Was also identified as generic Native American or African American. Also Inuit or Louisiana Creole. Too many times, I only became acceptable after I identified as Hawaiian Chinese. Then I became exotic and welcome. People would break out into a relieved smile which I found offensive because it was always the folks who thought I was Mexican or Black. Most of the time they would pat my back or arm and want to engage in a conversation. I was safe enough to touch and interesting enough to talk to now. I was always polite but in my mind and in my heart they sickened me.
My skin is not my culture.
Rachel Brinson,
Centennial, CO.
People always want to put me in a box and assume what I find offensive, what I find familiar, and how I choose to see myself and others. No one chooses to see human first, identity second. I will forever be explaining that the body given to me is arbitrary, and I exist inside of it. I am adopted and was raised as a German Lutheran. I grew up around many Asian cultures but never experienced African American culture until I was well into my 20’s. Biologically, I have an African father and a white mother, but my birth parents do not define me; my family does.
Scared to say the wrong thing
Grace Fry,
Whitesville, NY
p>As a white person I grew up not having to worry about getting pulled over or judged or treated differently just because of the color of my skin. As a white person growing up in a town without much diversity, I haven’t really talked to many people whose different race. As a white person I never know if I’m saying the wrong thing, or the offensive thing. As a white person I’m scared to say the wrong thing because I don’t want to come off as racist because I’m not, I’m just a person who doesn’t know what is ok and what isn’t ok to say because I haven’t been taught.
Where do you really come from?
Blanche Tsetong,
Australia.
I get this question often. Mostly at work. It never fails to infuriate me, particularly because the question is only ever directed at me and is not asked of my white coworker, who is also in the room. I am a 2nd generation Australian Chinese and unfortunately, couldn’t speak Chinese to save myself. In the 80s people would shout at me ” Go back to where you came from!!!”. So I find the question “where do you REALLY come from”, along with little “jokes” about Chinese physical characteristics or people trying out their Chinese language skills on me, both presumptive and offensive. And tiring. And not funny.
Calling someone a “white-girl” is offensive.
Abby,
Minneapolis, MN.
Speaking spanish is my choice
Ana Martinez,
Baytown, TX
I’ve been told that my language is offensive to people when people need Spanish speakers when getting hired but yet its “offensive “
Race doesn’t define how you act
Ethan Flechner,
Milwaukee, WI
I’m a white man and I act very differently then most white people I see in stories and on the news. I act differently then most people I see. My race doesn’t automatically mean that I’m going to be formal or what white people are generically showed as. Throughout your life the way you act changes by how you feel, what you’ve gone through and how you dealt with it. I live in Milwaukee, a very segregated city. My neighborhood I full of people mostly of Hispanic heritage. It’s a very bad neighborhood, garbage, gunshots. It’s not the best. Even though I grew up there I don’t act how other people who grew there did. Many people in my neighborhood, even though they are mostly all the same race act so differently. I grew up dealing with so much, anxiety, stress, depression, and self harm. I was a horrible problem solver, and still am. Going through that and solving it gave me a very dark humor. I make jokes that would be deemed offensive to many. I’m usually kind as long as I’m not being weird saying stuff that most people would go “His parents must be disappointed.” I’ve grown up and realized that race doesn’t define the way you act but the way you’ve grown up and how you deal with everything does.
RESPECT! Skin colour labelling IS offensive
Liam,
United Kingdom
MOVING AWAY FROM THE WHITE SUPREMACIST’S RULEBOOK
Referring to people by skin colour is based on white “supremacy” – which is an ideology that formed over the centuries of enslavement of African people in the Americas.
A skin colour hierarchy was created by white “supremacists” to “justify” the brutalisation and subjugation of enslaved Africans – with “white” at the top, and “black” at the bottom, and several gradations (yellow, red, brown) etc. between the two extremes (master and slave).
Essentially, the less white (or further away from white your skin was), the more akin you were to a slave.
It is time this nefarious colour chart was disbanded, as it is what has led to the modern day problems, of racism and colorism (and even colonial mentality).
These colour labels were not chosen randomly. No one has white skin, and I’m yet to meet anyone who has black skin either – so why were these labels chosen as proxies for human skin colour?
The white “supremacists” knew the power and significance of labels and symbolism.
The colour “white” in many cultures around the world, signifies cleanliness and holiness. (“white lie”, “whitewash” etc.) and they adopted that colour to represent themselves (even though no one has white skin).
The colour black on the other hand signifies the direct opposite – all that is unclean and unholy (“black looks”, black secret”, “blackmail”, “blacklist etc.) and that colour, they assigned to their enslaved Africans.
Calling someone by their skin colour is playing from the playbook/rule book of White supremacy. Out of respect, Chinese people are no longer referred to as “Yellow”, Native people are no longer referred to as “Red” etc. Instead, they are respectively referred to by either the country (or geographic region) that their phenotype seems to visually suggest – NOT BY SKIN colour.
However, the colour “black” which happens to be the lowliest on the white “supremacist’s” nomenclature, is a term that is still widely used – without blinking.
It is worth pointing out however, that as a result of the ranking of the colour “white” in the supremacist’s skin colour “chart”, calling someone “white” does not come with any negative connotation – because of the word’s positive connotations in various cultures. The word “black” however, has many negative connotations in many cultures and in everyday language.
The correct AND respectful way to start referring to fellow humans who are currently labelled “black” is to refer to them as having “African heritage” or “African ancestory”. This will be in keeping with the convention of how other peoples are referred to – which has moved away from skin colour.
So instead of saying “the black guy” say: “he has African ancestory”, or “is of African extraction”. Every single person currently labelled “black” (including Carribeans etc.) can be traced back to Africa (that’s why they look like Africans – DNA doesn’t lie).
The only dark skinned people this rule does not apply to are Australian aborigines, and they are visually different from people currently labelled “black” (look at images of Australian Aborigines on Google if you’re not sure).
For the Australian Aborigines, just call them that (or Indigenous Australians).
That way, we move away from the racist legacy of using a skin colour hierarchical system created by white supremacists to justify their enslavement of tens of millions of Africans over several centuries.
Not Mexican, stop calling me that
Carolina,
Powder Springs, GA.
As a Hispanic person, being called Mexican can be seen as an insult, but what is worst; the fact that I feel offended or the fact that it can be offensive?
White Guilt is offensive and condescending.
Anonymous
Hong Kong, China
I’ve always thought white guilt was condescending and offensive towards people of extra-European origins. Do we really need to see more movies like Avatar and The Help and campaigns like Kony 2012? I’d like for formerly colonized peoples to have more autonomy and be able to speak for themselves.
Future of NFL-Kneeling During Anthem
Travis Crawford,
Visalia, CA.
NFL players (and others) are kneeling during the National Anthem to protest police brutality and other injustices toward African Americans (that is my understanding of the situation). First, they are free to do so, as is their right. I feel that (mostly white) people have the right to complain about it and to say they feel like it is disrespectful, as that is their right. Nobody gets to decide what is offensive to someone else, right? That is not the issue here. The issue is that police brutality and other injustices against minorities needs to stop. My question is: how or when does it stop? Who decides when police brutality or other forms of discrimination have been reduced enough for players to stand during the Anthem? Is it based on statistics? (most people don’t trust statistics) Is it when there are less reported instances of such injustices? (as we all know, the media can easily sway public perception) It seems that people only believe what they want to believe anyway, and so no amount of statistics or media coverage will matter much. And if players quit kneeling, do they need to state the reasons why they stopped? (just as they stated the reasons why they started). I guess I am just confused by players making what is historically deemed a disrespectful action toward the Anthem, yet telling me it is not about the Anthem, but about police brutality, etc. And I’m wondering what exactly white America needs to do to make it OK for the players to stand. And what metric will be used to justify it (statistics, media, etc.). Thank you!
“What is your ethnicity?” I’m human.
Sabrina Perrin,
Delaware, OH.
As I started growing up, I started getting more and more questions about what ethnicity I was. Although these questions weren’t typically offensive, I find it a little bothersome that people look to depict others for their ethnicity or race. I don’t want to label people based on these things, as I wouldn’t want someone to either.
You are smart to be Mexican
Teresa Gonzalez,
Weslaco, TX.
Many people say expressions like this one without taking into consideration its being offensive. They don’t think or recall that being smart or dedicated to your job, school etc has nothing to intervene with your knowledge or nationality. Not because your Mexican they will treat you how they want. This is an example of many “maids or housekeeping” have to go through, because the people think that if they are doing those kind of jobs it’s because they don’t know anything, and just ” because they are Mexican. From my point of view they will be the ones being ignorant people who don’t even know what they are expressing.
I’m here to change your stereotypes
Denali Lukacinsky,
Honolulu, HI.
People look at me and assume all kinds of offensive things about what black people are supposed to be like, they come up to me and explain all the ways that I’m “different”, and “better” and “not like them.” Well guess what, I am like them. Don’t lift me up by putting my fellow beautiful black folks down.
I actually live in a house
Ribora,
Riverside, CA.
As an International student, it can be offensive to think just because a person is from Africa, they come from a jungle and live among lions. I wish people had a better perspective or knew some facts about it before asking funny or offensive questions about how home is like to me. It is a place with most of everything I have access to in the US. CBU HIS311
White people, it’s not about you.
Jaqui,
Bremerton, WA.
So often, when having a conversation about race white a white person they are unable to step outside themselves. They are either A) focused on how they personally never owned slaves/lynched someone etc or B) more worried about their own hurt feelings, because somehow pointing out that the system of oppression that we live in gives white people a leg up is offensive and “racist” to white people (they dont know what racism even means.)
