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White mother glad sons biracial 2021

Monae Dasher,
El Paso, TX

I was the white girl that embraced integration in school, first to befriend the one or two Black children my age in elementary. In middle school, large integration happened and physical fights broke out and my heart ached to see my friends on both sides beating each other up. I became untouchable to white boys as I easily was friends with Blacks and Hispanics. Only white boys from outside my high school would date me. My mom and dad liked the fact I had friends of different races, but dating was taboo, as “society isn’t ready for biracial couples”. I would be hurting myself socially and career-wise, according to my father. But I found acceptance from Black men and women and their families embraced me so warmly compared to white boys and men I dated, who rarely had me meet their families. I felt at “home” within the black culture and embraced (mid-70’s through 80’s). I was fired from numerous jobs once my white boss saw my Black boyfriend and inexplicably and suddenly accused of stealing or other firing offenses that I did not commit because it would have been illegal to fire me for the race of my boyfriend.

I left home and family by joining the U.S. Army in the late 70’s and met my future Black husband. We married and were subsequently separated for two years, because a racist Colonel wouldn’t sign papers for joint domicile despite the Army having a policy of keeping spouses together whenever possible. My MOSs, (military occupational skill), I had two, were a shortage world wide (Journalist 71Q/Broadcaster 71R) and I could have definitely been together with my husband in Germany. I subsequently came down on orders to Alaska (considered an overseas assignment). Two years later, I left the Army with an honorable discharge after serving a total of four years, and we were back together. I hated leaving the Army, but my choices were to be continuously separated from my spouse or to leave (he had the most years invested).

We had two sons five years apart and my father often was fearful for my Black sons’ futures, but in today’s climate in 2021, if he were still alive, he’d be fearful for his white grandsons and great grandsons. That is why I am grateful for having two biracial sons in 2021’s racially divisive climate. It truly breaks my heart.

My adopted Black sons are priceless.

Tom DiMartino,
Boston, MA.

I had the immense pleasure of listening to Michele speak today in Boston, and the topic of adoption touched me personally. I am a white man with two adopted black sons who mean more to me than anything in this world. The topic is touchy and Michele’s comments on it were emotionally challenging, thoughtful, and accurate. I wish more people would adopt children in need, as there are still so many more than there are parents. I also wish that I did not know that black boys are statistically less likely to be adopted than any other demographic. If that made an incredibly difficult process easier on some minuscule level for us, so be it. We will forever be proud of the two amazing young men that we are so unbelievably fortunate to be able to call our sons.

Sons. Educated. Childless. Lawful. Doesn’t matter?

image4Robin Crawford
Mitchellville, MD

I fret and worry daily about all 3 of my sons, despite the fact all are grown men. They are college educated (and graduated), have no criminal records or children out of wedlock, work everyday and are well spoken. Yet at the end of the day, people see BLACK and minimize or assume they are less than. They have friends of all races, and are better educated than most of them. Doesn’t seem to matter to some people.

Ferguson Should Be More Than a Moment

REPOST FROM: The Weekly Wonk, http://weeklywonk.newamerica.net/ – DEC. 11, 2014

AM Slaughter picFerguson Should Be More Than a Moment
by: Anne-Marie Slaughter

National Public Radio host Michele Norris has run The Race Card Project for the past four years. Participants are asked to distill their “experiences, questions, hopes, dreams, laments, or observations about race and identity” into a six word sentence. The results ring true in a way that most polls of racial attitudes do not. They include “Black people are always stealing things,” from a Hispanic woman; “why steal when you’re already looking,” from a young black man talking about the “vibe” he feels whenever he enters a gas station or convenience store; “I’m Appalachian; it’s an invisible ethnicity” from an educated white woman describing others assume she is a hillbilly; and many more.

When it was my turn, my six words were “my ancestors owned slaves; my responsibility.” I grew up in Charlottesville, Virginia, home of Monticello and “Mr. Jefferson’s university.” Most of my fellow Virginians did not think that it was our responsibility to answer for our forefathers’ actions, including the manifest contradictions and inequalities in Thomas Jefferson’s own legacy. But as Ta-Nehisi Coates argues compellingly in his article “The Case for Reparations,” Americans are all too happy to take credit for the good things that our ancestors did. If we celebrate Thomas Jefferson’s authorship of the Declaration of Independence, we must also confront the shocking gap between his words and his actions as a slaveholder who did not free his slaves even at his death.

See Anne-Marie Slaughter in The Race Card Project’s “Say What?!?” from the Aspen Ideas Festival 2014.

Today the trustees and docents of Monticello have made Jefferson’s home an opportunity to examine and try to understand the lives of “enslaved peoples” as well as of their masters. I feel a similar responsibility to do whatever is within my power to help address the legacy of injustice that my ancestors helped create. (Lest Americans whose ancestors fought on the Union side feel smug, just remember the vicious resistance to integration that has erupted in cities like Chicago and Boston within recent memory.)

At home, my teenage sons and I have been in deep conversation. We are not certain what actually happened in the confrontation between Darren Wilson and Michael Brown, but we think that conflicting facts and testimony should have been presented in a public trial, to seek truth through examination and cross-examination the way our justice system is designed to do. We accept that Officer Pantaleo did not mean to kill Eric Garner; nevertheless, we have watched the video where he did kill him, even as Garner was begging for help. We think that intentions should not shield a police officer any more or less than they would mitigate the consequences of a crime committed by any other citizen. We read accounts of the Cleveland report on a pattern of police abuse of power against black citizens, including the shooting of a twelve-year-old boy, and believe it is not limited to Cleveland. We shake our heads over the violence in Ferguson and discuss the ways in which systematic injustice will inevitably explode into violence. That, after all, is the lesson of the Boston Tea Party.

annemarie_slaughterWhat gives our conversation immediacy is that my sons and their friends, all good students at a top public school in Princeton, New Jersey, have had various run-ins with the Princeton police for the kinds of stupid things that teenage boys do, including minor shoplifting. The officers they have encountered have been appropriately stern and tough, but in a way that breeds remorse and respect rather than fear and anger. My sons know that it is likely they would have been treated differently had they been black, and certain that they would’ve been treated very differently had they been black and from Trenton.

Together, we are angry and sad and uncertain of what to do next. If there were a march on Washington, echoing the march where Martin Luther King gave his “I have a dream” speech, we would join it. But the scattered protests in various cities do not seem to swell. How can we take part in some larger reaction and affirmation that would harness this moment for good?

How can we take part in some larger reaction and affirmation that would harness this moment for good?
The answer is a national dialogue on race and justice. Our society has become increasingly unjust in many ways over the past two decades, as is inevitable when wealthy Americans and the considerable majority of their fellow citizens live in increasingly separate social, economic, political, and physical worlds. But the shooting of unarmed citizens, many of them children, by the very people who are supposed to enforce the law and help deliver justice, creates a concrete and immediate focal point. It offers a way in to a larger conversation about what it means to be citizens of a country that promises “liberty and justice for all.”

Instead of die-ins, we need teach-ins – a 1960s throwback that nevertheless allows real conversation and the beginnings of genuine understanding to take root. Ideally, the White House would appoint a leader for such a dialogue – not a commission, but one man or woman who could move the nation and build a broad coalition of mayors, civic groups, and corporate and community leaders dedicated to ensuring that every town in the nation start talking.

Absent White House leadership, the nation’s philanthropies and leading civil society groups could step up. If ten foundations, led by Ford and Knight, can help save Detroit, they can also fund and help create a national coalition dedicated to holding conversations and producing actions in every community in the country. If we do not seize this moment, we are not only wronging our fellow citizens, we are betraying ourselves.

National Public Radio host Michele Norris has run The Race Card Project for the past four years. Participants are asked to distill their “experiences, questions, hopes, dreams, laments, or observations about race and identity” into a six word sentence. The results ring true in a way that most polls of racial attitudes do not. They include “Black people are always stealing things,” from a Hispanic woman; “why steal when you’re already looking,” from a young black man talking about the “vibe” he feels whenever he enters a gas station or convenience store; “I’m Appalachian; it’s an invisible ethnicity” from an educated white woman describing others assume she is a hillbilly; and many more.

When it was my turn, my six words were “my ancestors owned slaves; my responsibility.” I grew up in Charlottesville, Virginia, home of Monticello and “Mr. Jefferson’s university.” Most of my fellow Virginians did not think that it was our responsibility to answer for our forefathers’ actions, including the manifest contradictions and inequalities in Thomas Jefferson’s own legacy. But as Ta-Nehisi Coates argues compellingly in his article “The Case for Reparations,” Americans are all too happy to take credit for the good things that our ancestors did. If we celebrate Thomas Jefferson’s authorship of the Declaration of Independence, we must also confront the shocking gap between his words and his actions as a slaveholder who did not free his slaves even at his death.

Today the trustees and docents of Monticello have made Jefferson’s home an opportunity to examine and try to understand the lives of “enslaved peoples” as well as of their masters. I feel a similar responsibility to do whatever is within my power to help address the legacy of injustice that my ancestors helped create. (Lest Americans whose ancestors fought on the Union side feel smug, just remember the vicious resistance to integration that has erupted in cities like Chicago and Boston within recent memory.)

We think that intentions should not shield a police officer any more or less than they would mitigate the consequences of a crime committed by any other citizen.

At home, my teenage sons and I have been in deep conversation. We are not certain what actually happened in the confrontation between Darren Wilson and Michael Brown, but we think that conflicting facts and testimony should have been presented in a public trial, to seek truth through examination and cross-examination the way our justice system is designed to do. We accept that Officer Pantaleo did not mean to kill Eric Garner; nevertheless, we have watched the video where he did kill him, even as Garner was begging for help. We think that intentions should not shield a police officer any more or less than they would mitigate the consequences of a crime committed by any other citizen. We read accounts of the Cleveland report on a pattern of police abuse of power against black citizens, including the shooting of a twelve-year-old boy, and believe it is not limited to Cleveland. We shake our heads over the violence in Ferguson and discuss the ways in which systematic injustice will inevitably explode into violence. That, after all, is the lesson of the Boston Tea Party.

What gives our conversation immediacy is that my sons and their friends, all good students at a top public school in Princeton, New Jersey, have had various run-ins with the Princeton police for the kinds of stupid things that teenage boys do, including minor shoplifting. The officers they have encountered have been appropriately stern and tough, but in a way that breeds remorse and respect rather than fear and anger. My sons know that it is likely they would have been treated differently had they been black, and certain that they would’ve been treated very differently had they been black and from Trenton.

Together, we are angry and sad and uncertain of what to do next. If there were a march on Washington, echoing the march where Martin Luther King gave his “I have a dream” speech, we would join it. But the scattered protests in various cities do not seem to swell. How can we take part in some larger reaction and affirmation that would harness this moment for good?

How can we take part in some larger reaction and affirmation that would harness this moment for good?
The answer is a national dialogue on race and justice. Our society has become increasingly unjust in many ways over the past two decades, as is inevitable when wealthy Americans and the considerable majority of their fellow citizens live in increasingly separate social, economic, political, and physical worlds. But the shooting of unarmed citizens, many of them children, by the very people who are supposed to enforce the law and help deliver justice, creates a concrete and immediate focal point. It offers a way in to a larger conversation about what it means to be citizens of a country that promises “liberty and justice for all.”

Instead of die-ins, we need teach-ins – a 1960s throwback that nevertheless allows real conversation and the beginnings of genuine understanding to take root. Ideally, the White House would appoint a leader for such a dialogue – not a commission, but one man or woman who could move the nation and build a broad coalition of mayors, civic groups, and corporate and community leaders dedicated to ensuring that every town in the nation start talking.

Absent White House leadership, the nation’s philanthropies and leading civil society groups could step up. If ten foundations, led by Ford and Knight, can help save Detroit, they can also fund and help create a national coalition dedicated to holding conversations and producing actions in every community in the country. If we do not seize this moment, we are not only wronging our fellow citizens, we are betraying ourselves.

http://weeklywonk.newamerica.net/articles/need-talk-ferguson/

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Anne-Marie Slaughter, Executive Editor
The president and CEO of the New America Foundation, Anne-Marie also hosts the magazine’s weekly podcast, writes a monthly column for Project Syndicate, has written or edited six books, and contributes to the The Atlantic, The New York Times, and Foreign Policy.

My sons are potential murderers

Tanisha Henderson
Raleigh, NC

There is perception and then there is reality. What do you do when those lines cross and the reality is you have to live like the perception is true? Case in point: Miami-Dade Police handcuffed and choked a 14 year old boy because he gave them “‘dehumanizing stares,’ clenched his fists and appeared threatening.” The perception is that any angry black man or boy is dangerous and will react violently, so the police reacted like this was a fact. Pause. I have seen angry black men, they are intimidating at a glance. Pause again. So now, how do I, a mother to two black boys and an auntie to 2 black boy teens, respond? Dr. Gregory McGriff, a 50+ year old black doctor in NC says that as a grown man, he is still careful to follow advice he received as a young boy — to avoid any kind of behavior that would bring him to the attention of police. So now as he raises his 13 year old son, he gently reminds him that the rules might be different for a young black man, and advises him to never, ever do anything that would attract the attention of police. Good news, times have changed. Back in the day, this 14 year old would’ve been lynched. Today, he will only receive a criminal record. Only?! I cringe when I say it, but the reality is, you can’t disrespect the po-po, especially as a black man. The reality is that black boys and men ARE perceived as dangerous, intimidating, and threatening…sometimes consciously and sometimes subconsciously. Unfortunately, media and reality( 1 in every 15 African American men are incarcerated, 72% black children born to unwed mothers) have made the perception of suspicious black men a discussion that Calvin and I will soon have with our children. Most likely, we will be teaching them that there is perception and then there is reality. You, my sons, will have to live like the perception is true and react accordingly. But not forever. Hopefully, Nathanael and Josiah will not have to say these same words to their sons. Amen.

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