Everyday she sees my race matters.
Carniesha Kwashie,
Philadelphia, PA.
This is in response to my white staffer and the racism she sees I endure as we work on an project that states Racial Equity is a priority.
Only Black in office. Very Isolating
Ursie Bankhead,
Buffalo, NY.
I have a PhD, have studied race issues. And still struggle in my workplace. Mostly within my own department. I have support from several friends of various races/ethnicities/backgrounds, etc. But, it is difficult at times being “the only” and to experience microinvalidations during staff meetings or to end up in a “conversation” later. Minority staff routinely leave my department (as well as others!). It is quite isolating– at times frustrating. And VERY sad that the “leaders” cannot understand their own biases or privelege.
Struggling to overcome my fear.
Lucy Jones,
Portland, OR.
I am 32 years old and white. I have had social anxiety all of my life. As a child, I was around black people often and I was comfortable, but quiet because of my anxiety disorder. This changed in college.
I grew up in Ohio and went to school in southern California. My neighbors were from Compton. They were loud and expressive black men. I had never met anyone quite like them and I experienced some culture shock, but eventually became friends with them. One night, after a frat party, I smoked pot with them and their friends. I was the only woman and the only white person in the group and I wasn’t a pot smoker, so I started to feel awkward right away. We went to a Ihop. The staff seemed uncomfortable. I got the impression that they didn’t want us there. The guys were teasing me, saying that I was really high, which was true. All of this made me so paranoid and uncomfortable that I left before ordering. I felt bad about leaving, I felt bad about the staff’s behavior, and the behavior of the guys I was with.
Ever since then I have been extremely awkward around black people. I’m not afraid of them hurting me, I’m afraid of them judging me. I’m afraid that my social anxiety will be interpreted as racism. I try to avoid being around black people. That’s what people with anxiety disorders do, they avoid their triggers. I know that the black people that I have spent time around notice my anxiety. I don’t know if it makes them angry or uncomfortable, but I do know that I’m angry, uncomfortable and deeply ashamed. I feel like I am a part of the problem. These thoughts run through my head everyday. If anyone knows of a multiracial support group for people who want to overcome their fears about race, I would like to join.
You’re the doctor?! Not a nurse?!!
Nima Scott,
Madison, WI.
I’m a Black, dreadlocked woman who works in a psychiatric facility. My first week on my unit a Black patient incredulously yelled that he had NEVER seen a Black doctor in the hospital in all of the years that he lived there. Apparently, neither had my peers whose sole framework for a Black professional woman is that of a nurse. I’ve had to interrupt staff from sanctioning black patients with time-outs, losses of privilege, and at worst, seclusion for erupting in anger when white patients call them “n*****”! It appears that the expectation is that the recipient maintains his equanimity. Staff seems impervious to my reasoning that psychotic or not, calling someone “n*****” is not going to elicit understanding for the perpetrator’s struggles, but rage. It enrages me! But then again, that could just be my lack of professionalism. I am Black, after all.
