In my subconscious, he is white
Katherine Hannan Wears,
Ogdensburg, NY.
When I was a practicing attorney, I scheduled an appointment with an attorney who was a specialist in the field of construction litigation. The contact was made through an attorney I knew well. As I waited at the appointment, I didn’t consciously think, “What will he look like?” When he arrived, I realized that I had not contemplated that he would be black. I was shocked by the realization that my subconscious had controlled by thinking. I know that he saw the look on my face. I didn’t know whether or not to apologize or not.. I have been haunted by this brief moment for years. It still bothers me as I try to re-train my subconscious. Now, I am an Associate Dean and have taught classes such as “Law of the Workplace”. I tell the students this story of the control of my perception by my subconscious. I want them to look into themselves. It is so difficult to begin a discussion about race and get deeper than the obvious. Few students act with prejudice with intentionality. So few try to truly understand and empathize.
Subconsciously, I’m afraid. I hate it.
Ian Cyr
Springfield, VA
I read once, that those of us who are white and in our late 20’s and early 30’s (and probably those outside that age range) have been put in a difficult position by society. We’ve grown up being taught one thing – tolerance, equality, etc., while at the same time, growing up with the lingering effects of racism still present in society. Consciously we’ve been taught to love, while subconsciously we’ve been taught to fear. We want to overcome the prejudice we see in society, yet we’re not entirely free of it ourselves. It’s something I struggle with often, and I hate myself for it – for having any thoughts that rely on a perception of race, especially in the negative. Everyone deserves to be treated equal, and the fact that I sometimes fail at that makes me angry at myself.
Not acknowledged but always there.
Sandra Kahinga
Brooklyn Park, MN
I think people think they don’t think about race but it’s always in the back of their mind and subconsciously. It controls them and their reactions to others.
Subconscious shame breeds fear then violence
Colleen Stanturf
Davis, CA
With a disproportional number of black men in prison, the cycle of violence really has not been broken since slavery days. Whites violate blacks in so many hidden ways, that the fear of retaliation for the wrongness is squeezed into a systematic, subconscious projection of black as predator. That IS the race card why we whites use it to cry foul whenever it gets played – we cannot admit the obvious without our house of cards come tumbling down.
White neighborhood made me subconscious racist.
Joe Earsom
Denver, CO
Listen to Joe’s story from NPR’s Talk of the Nation
