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Cute when thin, angry when fat

image11Nicole McFarlane,
Fayetteville, NC.

I’m a 43 year old black woman who has spent most of her adult life living and working in the South. I notice that when my weight fluctuates I’m perceived differently — as different stereotypes associated with my race, gender and sexuality. At times when I’m heavier, many assume me to be a hostile and intimidating presence, no matter how accommodating and unassuming I behave. They may sometimes even assume I’m a lesbian or asexual. At my thinner size people are convinced that I’m younger and express dismay when I don’t “keep it cute and on mute.” Some are downright perplexed by my confidence and consider my assertiveness as “uppity,” which is something, believe it or not, I’ve been called to my face by seemingly polite white people. There’s much more to be said about how, whether fit or fat, the morphology of the black female body is always a particular subject of scrutiny. The failure to appear as “cute, “or to conform to an explicit and intentional social performance of diminutive proportions, comes with special pressures in cases where gender and race overlap. It is my belief that the hyper-vigilance I and many other black women have developed to fend off microaggressions might actually create the very health issues like hypertension and diabetes that I work so hard to avoid, regardless of my size.

How to think well of oneself?

B B,
Flathead Indian Reservation, MT.

One may change; one may relinquish imposed ideas of self. Maybe every day; maybe every hour. Maybe never.

I searched the Race Cards for the keyword “sorry”. Of the 32 six-word uses of the term, 22 were ironic, 8 were apologetic, and 2 were preceded with the word “not.” Of the ironic, 14 were self-voiced and 8 were other-voiced. Of the apologetic, three apologized for ancestors, 2 for immediate family, and 3 for self. Of the apologetic for self, 2 cited ignorance corrected and 1 indicated confusion. No apologies were self-directed.

Searches for “love” and “hate” produced uncounted results; of 19 occurrences of “thank” about 2/3 were genuine, two followed by “God,” and one from the Project itself. No expressions of gratitude were self-directed.

I was unable to determine the total number of Cards submitted. I’m curious if they are curated.

When I say “change,” I mean “for better” and “for worse.” When I say “ideas,” I mean positive ones and negative ones. When I say “never,” I mean “some people never change” and “never disempower yourself.” Which did you read?

I’ve learned that when I allow my behavior to be altered by an assumption in even the smallest way, the effect will be immense because so many people do exactly the same thing.

I was reminded (by searching “articulate”) that many of the compliments I’ve received (not all offensively qualified) have been delivered with an “it’s like a talking dog” kind of look. It hadn’t occurred to me to be offended–I was triumphant that I had broken an illusion (one openly admitted, in a sense). I felt it as a duty, and that person will be a little less amazed (confused) next time they’re impressed.

Any errors above are my own.

Previouslly attractive, now obese. who changed?

Barry Allen,
Cedar Rapids, IA.

What I mean here is that when I was thin, (smoking cigarettes) doors were opened much more regularly & loneliness was not a problem. Now fat, (not smoking) the loneliness is at times unbearable. Am I not the same person? Obesity creates discrimination similar to that of racial or gender discrimination. By the way I exercise & eat healthy food, but have weighed the same for 8 months. Only halfway to desired weight, but still obese. Plateaus & rejections make it hard to stay with healthy habits.

Do You Think I’m White, Really

Chris Hamby
Bethalto, IL

On my exterior, I look like a average Caucasian man, yet there is a little more to me than what people may think. First off, let me paint this picture for you. I am a large,(athletic built now)bald man, for all purposes white. I went into a Wal-Mart in Vandalia, IL and a young black man said, “That shit won’t fly in the hood”, looking directly at me. Little did that young man know, I am a mutt. I have multiple nationalities in me, none more prevalent than Cherokee Indian. He was looking at the color of my skin and does not know a thing about me, this should be a lesson for us all, don’t judge a book by its cover. We are all more complicated than just a skin color.

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