white woman Archives - The Race Card Project

Left Crying in the Bathroom Floor

September 18, 2025September 18, 2025 bathroom, black neighborhood, Charlie, crying, floor, oil change, police, pretty, scared, stereotype, USA, white woman

Charlie,
USA.

I brought my car in for an oil change (in the predominantly black area I live in) and they told me that it’d be an hour before they could get to it. ‘No big deal,’ I though, ‘There’s a shopping center across the street.’ As I made my way down the sidewalk, a man cat-called as he drove past. I didn’t think much of it as I crossed the street and headed towards Big Lots. However, he had turned around and was now pulling into the parking lot.

“Hey,” He said, getting out of his vehicle. “I don’t wanna come on too strong, but you’re really beautiful.” At this point, I was flattered. I had recently had my daughter, and was feeling uncomfortable in my own skin due to the weight gain.
“Thanks for saying so, but I’m married,” I replied.

“He’s a lucky man. Are you happy?” He asked, following me up the parking lot. His remarks began to get invasive and personal, making me extremely uncomfortable. I gave him a more stern ‘No’, and he had seemingly gotten the message. He hung back and didn’t follow me as I walked into the store.

Less than five minutes after I entered the store, he came in. I told myself that I was being paranoid, that he was probably planning to come in regardless. Not really wanting to face him again, I made my way to the back aisles and tried to focus on shopping. He soon found his way to the opposite end of my aisle, basket empty. I tried to pretend that I hadn’t seen him, and went to the furniture section. Yet again, he had somehow ended up within 10 feet of me. Even though it could have still been an uncomfortable coincidence, I decided to just purchase the phone charger in my basket and head to a different store. As I was handing the cashier my card, he came up to the register next to mine, only a pack of gum in his hand.

There was a grocery store attached to the Big Lots, so I made a bee-line for it. He entered the store soon after I did, and I was beginning to have a hard time believing he wasn’t following me. Despite my obvious attempts to lose him, he managed to be in or near every aisle I was in. I was beginning to get frightened, so I went to the women’s bathroom at the front of the store. A female employee saw the look on my face and asked worriedly, “What’s wrong?” I explained the situation to her and she asked for his description so they could call the police.
The moment I mentioned his skin color, her eyes dulled. Suddenly, her responses to me were short and a bit annoyed, as if I was wasting her time. She told me to wait and she would see about getting her manager, so I did. I sat in that bathroom for thirty minutes before I realized that no one was coming. From a different perspective, I understand that I might have looked like a racist white woman (who is in reality half Mexican) wanting to cry wolf about a POC harassing me. At that moment though, I didn’t care how I looked. I sat in the floor and cried, terrified of the possibility that the man was still in the store. Sad that the employee (who was also black) saw me as a racist, not a frightened woman who genuinely needed her help. Angry with her for leaving me alone while he might have still been out there.
Thankfully, the store manager (who was also black) happened to walk in on my sobbing. After explaining to her what happened, she informed me that no one had mentioned the incident to her at all. She called the police herself and sat with me at the café area until they had arrived. Luckily, he left, but the manager didn’t leave my side until the police officer confirmed it. As mortified as I was at the situation and the employee’s inaction, I’m forever grateful to the manager who saw the problem and not my race, and helped resolve the situation.

I’m accepted but my child isn’t

May 23, 2024 accepted, baby, Chelsea Thorne, child, fearful, Keene, NH, not accepted, white woman

Chelsea Thorne,
Keene, NH

I chose these words because as a white woman, I do not face prejudice because of my race, but my child, a biracial baby with a white mom and a black dad, likely will. People have become more accepting in recent years, however, many people discriminate against other races and some don’t believe races should mix. My baby isn’t even born yet but I am already so fearful of what they may hear or what people may say. I know my baby’s father and I will love them unconditionally, but society may not. I hope my child will have the strength to protect themselves if they need to and that they will not feel like their race makes them less worthy.

An angry and privileged white woman

April 2, 2024April 2, 2024 angry, Coatesville, Iwantperfection, PA, privilege, white woman

Iwantperfection,
Coatesville, PA.

White female, eager learner, poor listener

February 12, 2024February 12, 2024 black friend, female, first experience, friendship, High School, lear, listen, MI, neighborhood, parents, Sterling Heights, Terry Tringali Killoran, white, white woman

Terry Tringali Killoran,
Sterling Heights, MI

I had black friends growing up. I thought I did. We played together at school and after school at their house, or ours, in the driveway. Little did I know that’s because my parents wouldn’t let them come inside our house, and vice versa. And I remember once I asked if she could come to dinner and my father said NO so fast and loud that I jumped because it scared me. The friendships lasted until they moved away before junior high school. They wanted a more “comfortable“ neighborhood to grow up in. Not until I was an adult did I understand that statement.

Privilege is Ability to Choose Blindness

January 28, 2024January 28, 2024 Colorblindness, Hannah Oh, husband, Korean, Provo, racial slur, smalltalk, UT, white woman

Hannah Oh,
Provo, UT

I grew up thinking that “colorblindness” was laudable.
To be colorblind was to be “not a racist”.
When people brought up race to me, I thought how misguided they were to obsess over race instead of choosing to ignore race and look at people individually.

Then, one day, I was walking in the park with my husband, a Korean immigrant. We were pushing my sweet, beautiful 8 month old baby in her stroller, enjoying the summer and the perfectly manicured lawn and trees.

Suddenly, I remember hearing a truck revving nearby, and then I heard someone scream out at me.

I tried to ignore it, hoping I’d imagined it. My husband and I were walking faster, maybe just matching paces, maybe both racing forward. We started making stilted smalltalk.

Finally, he said, “You heard it, didn’t you?”

I started crying. “Yes.”

The young men had shouted at me, the white woman, “Hey, what are you doing with those Ch**ks?!”

He said that not just about my husband, who was minding his own business, but about our perfect, innocent baby.

That was the day I realized what white privilege is: White privilege is the ability to be colorblind. It is the ability to be ignorant of racism, because it is avoidable.

My daughters and my son will never have white privilege.

Being colorblind is a choice….but only for some.

Love knows no color, just connection

November 9, 2023 connection, dating black man, Durham, interracial dating, love, NH, Sarah P, The University System of New Hampshire, white woman

Sarah P,
Durham, NH

p>As a white woman dating a black man, I have gotten questions before about making sure I would be okay with having black children eventually. When I get asked this question, I ignore it, but do think about what would make someone ask this. It never crossed my mind when I started dating him. We should not think about this but instead think about the connections I have with him and how he makes me feel, not his color.

I will not let a garage scam me.

November 9, 2023 assume, aterotype, Durham, Michaela Power, NH, scam, The University System of New Hampshire, white, white woman

Michaela Power,
Durham, NH

The moment I received my license, I found that there was a preconceived notion that society had placed upon me. As a white woman, somehow, I am meant to be incapable of understanding the basics of how a car functions. No matter the day, if I ever enter a mechanic shop that is new to me, they WILL try to hustle me. I have seen mechanics try to hustle me for everything under the sun, yet I myself am more than capable of preforming an oil change, replacing my calipers, rotors, and pads in my brake assembly and many other tasks. For some reason it seems as though mechanics (of the men variety) assume I lack knowledge, and will often times put large price tags on work I know will not take as long as they suggest and on parts that I know do not cost as much as they suggest. Not to mention, when I contest this, they often try to subdue me and make me feel as though I do not know what I am talking about. Just because I am a white woman, this does not make me gullible, submissive and mechanically illiterate. I should not have to prove my knowledge just to be seen as an equal when someone like my boyfriend (who also has car knowledge) does not have to say a word and gets better rates and respect.

Privilege lives everywhere, silent but deadly

May 1, 2023 Ava Zahm, CA, Irvine, isnorance is bliss, privilege, silent, white privilege, white woman

Ava Zahm,
Irvine, CA

White privilege is something I’m embarrassed to have learned about so late in my life. As a young white woman, I live a completely different life with so many fewer hardships, threats, and dangers than the life of someone identical to me but with more melanin in their skin. White privilege is something which is horrifically ignored and unspoken about, particularly among white people. Ignorance is bliss for so many people who don’t want to acknowledge how extremely serious American racism still is and will continue to be.

I worry about doing, speaking wrong

May 1, 2023 Amanda, I don't know, impact, MA, middle class, white, white woman

Amanda,
MA

As a white, middle class person I worry I’m not aware of how my privilege impacts me and others; I want to be anti-racist but don’t always know how I can best do so.

No white woman cooks like that

November 21, 2022November 21, 2022 chef, cook, cooking, Katy, Meredith Christensen, stereotype, TX, white woman

Meredith Christensen
Katy, TX

Don’t Bring Home No White Girls

November 21, 2022January 17, 2023 anonymous, Apuci, biracial, Black American Female, chicken legs, dating, deep voice, dual citizen, father, first experience, Home, interracial dating, Jewish, mulatto, Nubian Goddess, rape, sistah, taboo, travel, trilingual, TX, veteran, white girls, white woman

Anonymous,
TX.

Said a well travelled Black American female veteran to her biracial, trilingual, and dual citizen son. Behind her, in full agreement, stood her Eastern European Jewish husband. As madly in love as was at first sight, their relationship was taboo, condemned by family and friends alike. Now years later they faced their resultant son, looked in his light colored eyes and set him right. If he didn’t want any trouble and to keep his future bright, keep all White women out of sight! They only had their son’s best interests in mind, because both had known Black and Mulatto young men who had thrown their lives away by chasing after White American women that then uttered the dreaded 4 letter word….Rape.

In turn he smiled at them amusedly, took a few clumsy steps forward on his long skinny chicken legs, exactly like those of his towering father, and bent, though not too far because his mother was also quite tall, to plant a kiss on her round ebony cheek. In his low deep voice as he pushes his thick glasses back up on his face he says, “Why would I chase a ghost, when I have had the epitome of beauty before my eyes for nearly 23 years?” As he had done as small boy, when people thought this gorgeous Nubian Goddess who was closer to 50 than 40 but was often accused of being only 30 was merely his nanny, the son holds his mother’s face in hands and stares at her adoringly. “I learned how to appreciate real beauty young.” Then he smiles bashfully at his father and concludes, “Apuci(Daddy), I am going to get one of these fine models for myself. Where should I look?” It was very clear that though the well-brought up young man respected all women, his heart would ALWAYS belong to a fiery,gorgeous, and loyal ‘Sistah’.

I can see and hear you

November 15, 2022 Hailey, hear, inequality, PA, privilege, rural, See, Tioga, white woman

Hailey,
Tioga, PA

As a white woman in the United States I have learned to recognize my privilege. Growing up in a rural area has not exposed me to very much diversity, however I have learned how to be an ally and recognize the inequality in our country. I have had countless conversations about how to try to change this unfairness. I just want to make everyone know that they are seen and heard and we are making progress. I realize that the inequality in our country is unjust and should not even be an issue, but it is. We need to do more to fix it.

White woman black restroom Frozen

September 5, 2022September 5, 2022 Albuquerque, black restroom, Civil War, Detroit, frozen, liberal, NM, South, Sylvia Anderson, Wayne State University, white woman

Sylvia Anderson
Albuquerque, NM

Raised in Detroit, parents liberal, family on both sides of civil war. Grandfather said “The south likes the black man and hates the black race, north likes the black race and hates the black man. My six words relate to a trip south in 1963. I desperately needed a restroom and saw a bus station. I went in the front door, saw restrooms and went in the first one. When I came out of the stall and as I washed my hands I noticed all the women had frozen in place and a mother had a hand over her small daughters shoulder. I thought it strange and as I left I noticed each door had a rectangle of of lighter wood on the doors. I was back to the car when I busted out laughing, my new husband asked what and I said I think I just unintentionally made a civil rights statement. When I explained he joined my laughter. We were attending Wayne State University which had a large number of black students and civil rights were accepted in our environment. I was clueless in the south.

Just another do-good white woman.

July 15, 2022July 15, 2022 do-good, High School, Margaret Davenport, student, VA, Vienna, white woman

Margaret Davenport,
Vienna, VA.

This was said to me by a black male student in a high school program for disadvantaged but very bright, high potential students where I was academic adviser and counselor. It was said with a combination of dismay that there were few men or blacks working in this kind of program, at the same time with respect and appreciation for what I was trying to do.

I am a not an object

March 10, 2022March 10, 2022 body, ct, female, Megan Hoban, object, proud, respect, Ridgefield, sexual assault, University of Maryland, white woman, woman

Megan Hoban,
Ridgefield, CT.

Being a caucasian woman in the US I see sexual assault every day. I am proud to be who I am and I am proud of my body. With that being said I refuse to be looked at as an object or treated with any less respect because I am a female.

Seeking humanism mutuality commonality above all

March 7, 2022 black man, conversation, humamism, in common, jail, Madison, middle aged, middle class, Pajarita Charles, prison, respect, restaurnat, white, white woman, WI

Pajarita Charles,
Madison, WI

My life as a white, middle-aged, educated, and otherwise very privileged member of society has left me seeking opportunities to find the simplicity of connection that can exist between myself and those different from me, those different by virtue of race. White women and black men — two groups who our country has pitted against each other since we brought slaves to this land — stand out in such interactions. Our job – my role – is to find humanity, mutuality, and commonality in everyday interactions with those who our society has taught us are less then. How do we find that element of connection? Of respect? Of honesty? Of truth? But at the basic core, most importantly, of humanness?

I sat down at a table in the airport. No one else there but a black man eating his lunch. I was there to do the same. I looked over and asked, “How’s your day going so far?” A simple question but one that opened up a 45 minute discussion about my work, my life, his work, his life, and their connection. He spent 15 years in prison; I spent 15 years working to support fathers in prison. I asked him questions, he asked me questions. We shared. We found a place of humanness. Can this bring us to a different and better place? One that is for everyone equally? Mutuality, humanity, commonality.

Glad my daughter is not white.

October 18, 2021October 20, 2021 CA, clueless, daughter, fragile, history, Nice White Lady, San Francisco, violence, white mom, white woman

Nice White Lady,
San Francisco, CA.

I’m a white mom to a brown daughter who can’t shake the shame and embarrassment that stems from a long history of white women instigating and being complicit in violence against Black people. When people see me, they see someone who is too fragile, too protected, too privileged, too clueless and too annoying to be taken seriously. I know this because this is how I often feel about other white women I meet for the first time.

Guide To Your Privilege Right

November 2, 2020November 2, 2020 CA, community, disabled, guide, judge, LA, LGBT, listening, Los Angeles, passionate, privilege, right, Use Your Privilege For Good, white woman, Z Frohna

Z Frohna,
Los Angeles, CA.

So. I’m a white woman who lives in L.A. But I’m also disabled, and a part of the LGBT+ community. Am I privileged? Yes.

If someone has privilege, whether it is the dreaded white privilege or economically fueled privilege, it doesn’t mean, “they are a terrible person,” or, “their life isn’t hard at all and they deserve no pity.” Privilege simply means, the person has it easier in one way or another. I feel like we all have a bit of privilege in some way – but that’s okay! We can all use our advantages to help each other out, as friends and neighbors.

I made this “Privilege Guide” for my fellow white-and-relatively-affluent people, but anyone can read and learn. It’s kinda longer than you might be expecting if you’ve read other race cards.

HOW TO: Use Your Privilege For Good

One: Don’t presume someone needs your “help,” or pity, but always be ready to be a supportive friend.

I’m disabled. I know how it feels to be silently judged – often, strangers will react to meeting me with fear or confusion. They really just don’t want to deal with me, so they won’t talk to me or about me. I have lots of great friends, who aren’t this way, but I’ve definitely seen my fair share of discomfort from people. So I SORT OF get the whole “I am a minority” feeling.
And what I can tell you from my experiences, is, you help by listening, and whispering while the others who are closer to the problem are shouting. You can feel passionate about an issue that’s not directly related to you, of course, the more fighting the merrier, but take turns on center stage. Being a friend to a disabled person, or a black person, or a nonbinary person, or someone who’s all three, is just like being a friend to anyone else – in that there’s mutual appreciation, and you guys don’t steal each other’s thunder.
You do not help someone by taking their issue and shouting about it from the rooftops. Because then people pay attention to you, and credit the progress to you, even though you may simply be echoing less-noted others’ ideas. If this happens to you by accident, if you’re protesting with a strong group, and suddenly, you get your 15 seconds of fame – raise the others in the group or movement up with you.
The real difference between “help” and real help – one feels an awful lot like you’re the star of a show, with a cast that’s diverse for diversity’s sake. The other feels more like you’re helping to help, because you really believe in solving the problem, not attributing credit to the “hero.”

Two: Be nice.

There are lots of reasons and actual, fact-filled explanations for why you shouldn’t say the n word, the f word (the GAY f word, you know the one), or mock the accents of Chinese people. There are definitely more examples of things you shouldn’t do, but I’ll start with these – many people will fill you in on the reasons for not being callous like that, but I’m not going to. Google is free (but make sure you verify your sources!).
Instead, I’m going to ask – why do you NEED filling in? Who cares what the etymology of a word? A person, an individual with feelings, asked you not to say that word or do that thing. So don’t. Think about, if it weren’t part of a “liberal” or “conservative” issue. (I don’t really believe in parties.) What type of person do you consider standard, or normal? Picture them asking you not to say a certain word, or make a certain joke, because it hurts their feelings. Depending on what it is, you might think it’s not that bad. But you’ll listen, because you’re a good person.
Where does that stop? With people of Mexican heritage? Autistic people? Gay people? Where do you draw the “being nice” line? Where do you start asking, “why do I need to be nice?”

Three: Do your best to learn as much as you can about the advantages you benefit from.

If you’re white, learn about gentrification, the differences between cultural appreciation and appropriation, the history of the U.S; the utter destruction on our part of Native American society, the enslavement of black people, all that jazz.
If you’re middle class or higher, learn what you can do for people in poverty,
and find out actual effective-over-time solutions to homelessness.

Learn, so you can find solutions.

ZMKF 6/1/18

P.S. My blog used to be www.earthcompromise.com – don’t go there, I let it expire because I’m moving to Squarespace. My new website isn’t up yet, but it’s going to be www.zmkf.com and I’ll notify you guys in the comments of this race card when it’s up.

Join the Newsletter

Info

Join our community