Bryanne Smith.
In the Autism Community, we often talk about run-ins that we’ve had with law enforcement, and we all have our stories. Usually, it’s because someone is triggered by bright flashing lights, or they lose their ability to speak under extreme stress. Some autistics have comorbidities such as Tourette’s Syndrome or a seizure disorder, both of which can cause uncontrollable movements, and a police officer to think that a person is on drugs or is a threat. Some of my fellow autistics have been beat up by police. Many have been traumatized. For my friends that are black and autistic, the stories get more frequent, and darker. I’ll share one of my stories here:
One night, in 2005, I was driving through a small town on my way to my dad’s house, which was about 45 minutes away. It was right after my evening shift at a fast food joint and I still had on my work uniform. I was driving a big old boat-looking car which was messy and cluttered. My hair was spilling out of my uniform hat, and my apron and shirt were covered in ice cream and grease. Due to road construction closing down the main highway, I had to drive through an unfamiliar area. I didn’t slow down fast enough. Consequently, I got pulled over for going 36 in a 25. Before I knew it, four police cars were behind me flashing their lights, and I started to panic. I quickly thumbed through my car looking for the documentation needed before the cop came up to my door and ordered me out of my vehicle. They made me stand behind my vehicle while all four of them started firing questions at me with those flashing lights behind them. “What are you doing?” “Are you on drugs?” “Have you been drinking”?”.
“Who are you?” “What are you doing here?”. I was so frightened. I could barely speak. I was crying. And those flashing lights were making me sick to my stomach and dizzy. My mind was racing, and I started to feel like a caged animal. One or two of the officers started walking toward me and finally, I found my words. “I’m autistic”, Those words saved me. Their voices changed from accusatory to understanding. One by one, the police officers turned off those terrible flashing lights. They asked me if I took medication. They asked me how my autism affected me. One of them said they had a nephew that was autistic. My soon to be several hundred dollars in tickets turned into a warning, and they sent me on my merry way, all because they believed me when I said I was autistic.
That night has been playing over and over in my head over the past several years, along with numerous questions and ways that the experience could have been a lot worse. What if they hadn’t known what autism was (a very real possibility back then)? What if I couldn’t speak under stress like so many of my autistic friends? What if the fast food logo wasn’t showing on my shirt and I wasn’t wearing my fast food hat? But the biggest one that plays in my head is, what if I was a black woman instead of a white woman? Would they have believed me when I said I was autistic? Would they have given me the benefit of the doubt? What would they have assumed about me? And the biggest one: Would I still be alive today? Plenty of black people have to think about whether or not they will come out of an experience with police alive or dead. And in 2020, its unacceptable. It’s always been unacceptable.
Something that makes me cringe is when people on social media say that we shouldn’t stop talking to people over a difference in opinion, especially if we have known and been friends with them for years. I’m here to say, whether or not disabled people are being hurt and killed by police and unarmed black people are being killed by police isn’t a difference of opinion. It’s a fact that it happens. I’ve seen it happen and I can draw on my own experience as an autistic woman to know that it happens. Anything that involves people’s lives is not a difference in opinion. When we call it a mere difference of opinion we are erasing the stories of black people and saying that their struggles and pain are their fault and not as bad as they make them out to be. A difference of opinion is whether or pepsi or coke tastes better. This is a lot bigger than a difference in opinion, and I will not stand for anyone making light of it, even if I’ve known them for years.
