Black Boy. White World. Perpetually Exhausted.

Esayas Mehretab

I grew up in the west end of Richmond, Va in a predominantly affluent white community. I was not white and I was not affluent. I had no space for myself to go to and talk about my experiences, my struggles, and what life was like for me as a black boy. Opportunities to discuss my shared experiences were rare. It was exhausting to conform to others’ perceptions of you, hold in uncomfortable emotions because it made others feel uneasy to be around you, to feel isolated even though I was surrounded by “friends”. As I grew older and began seeing the world for what it was, especially the injustices of being black in America. I learned that there were two justice systems, one for the privileged and one for the underprivileged. I learned that 95% of African American history wasn’t taught in schools. I learned that my skin color started conversations and ended them as well. I EXPERIENCED being pulled over immediately after getting in my car with some friends because my friend and I (the only two black men) fit the description of bank robbers. There was an inconceivable number of police officers pointing guns at us, yelling at us, threatening us, and then giving us absolutely no apology besides, “We didn’t mean to, we thought you were someone else and you fit the description”.

That was 6-8 months before “Black Lives Matter” started.

My friends and I still have not spoken about that traumatizing night in our first night out in downtown Richmond, Va. I was 18 and had just moved into my first apartment and was attending my first-year VCU. That’s how I was introduced to the city. My parents don’t know about this story. I always think how differently that night could have ended up. I could have been a statistic and become an unwanted catalyst to the black lives matter movement. From that point on I have seen countless black lives taken by police and “stand your ground” laws. It has made me exhausted. All of it. It’s draining but this time I have hope and a fire has awoken in me that was on the cusp of going out. Thank you for letting me share my story.

PS – Absolutely loved your exhibit when it was in the Black History Museum and Cultural Center of Virginia.


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