Bethesda Archives - The Race Card Project

Our marriage, leap of faith, worked.

January 24, 2024 Bethesda, interracial marriage, marriage, MD

John Collinge,
Bethesda, MD

Zandra and I met in June 1978 as new Foreign Service Officers. Neither of us had dated interracially, we had to work thru issues of unintended insensitive and trust including her mother’s well founded distrust of the white world. We corresponded for most of our courtship she from Argentina, then Spain, me from Pakistan, then Sudan. Married in September 1981.

A letter that she wrote me in early 1981 reflects how hard she grappled with whether to marry. Her career and her independence were her life. They were vital to her sense of herself. After what I believe was a lot of hard thought Zandra wrote she decided that in me she had found a partner who understood her sense of self worth and would respect her independence. I believe I honored that trust.

One night in a Rome rendezvous Zandra sat me down and asked if I wanted to go thru with marriage. She shared, as she had in Washington, her fears that marrying her would blight my career. I told her I didn’t believe that and it didn’t matter. So far as I know I never suffered racism for my decision. I don’t think Zandra suffered professional racism either by our marriage. But she did suffer from being professionally under appreciated and slighted. I believe that was because of race. Certainly Zandra believed it and I never saw reason to question her judgment and her feelings. I did my best to understand and support.

I think that we succeeded in having a marriage of equals that completed and strengthened each. I lost her after a long illness to complications of dementia in February 2023. She was the love of my life and made me a better person.

I think that we succeeded in having a marriage of equals.

Are you part of our tribe?

February 6, 2023 Bethesda, MD, Pat McNees, tribe

Pat McNees,
Bethesda, MD

Could be: Are we part of your tribe?

Recovering from being a ponytail wannabe

September 11, 2022September 12, 2022 Bethesda, Cheryl Green, MD, pony-tail, recovering, wannabe

Cheryl Green
Bethesda, MD

My child’s not your Learning Experience.

May 26, 2022May 26, 2022 Beth Curren, Bethesda, bi-racial, child, comment, first experience, learning, MD, question, token

Beth Curren,
Bethesda, MD

We are a bi-racial family and have experienced the comments of others since the day we brought our child home from the hospital. Most comments and questions have been kind, or at least well-intentioned; many others have not: people have been rude, intrusive, scornful, misinformed and self-righteous. Often the hardest moments have been when other adults have insistently questioned us, in front of our child (and often in front of their own), and clearly want to know very personal information. When we’ve tried to deflect their comments, they often say they are just curious or their children are curious, or they are trying to teach their children to be inclusive. We get it; we really do. But standing in a check-out line is not an invitation for questions and comments, especially since the only reason we are being asked, is because the composition of our family is different from theirs. Sometimes we just want to get through the produce section or the cereal aisle without this unwanted attention. And so when people persisted, often self-righteously, in plying us with questions and comments, I learned to say, “My child’s not your Learning Experience.”

Racist parents from shame springs motivation

April 14, 2021April 15, 2021 Bethesda, Ingrid Irigoyen, MD

Ingrid Irigoyen,
Bethesda, MD

For the first decade of my life I lived with biological parents who were avowed racists. That experience was scarring because even as a young child my little gut instinct told me that they were wrong. Even though I didn’t fully understand it, the hate made me feel ill in the pit of my stomach and it made me afraid. The shame I still feel so deeply about that heritage has a silver lining though. It drives me to care about these issues. I want to be a counter-weight in the world, to let these genes I did not choose express in an open and loving way instead. My sister feels the same way. We are both working hard to do our part to listen, learn, be allies, be politically active, be voices for love. Maybe ours can be a story of hope.

I know that I don’t know

January 27, 2021 Alexandra Tennant, Bethesda, don't know, MD

Alexandra Tennant,
Bethesda, MD

My husband calls me future girl.

September 11, 2020September 11, 2020 Bethesda, future, girl, Jennifer McCadney, MD, racial identity

Jennifer McCadney
Bethesda, MD

Growing up as a kid with a black dad and white mom in the late 70s and early 80s — in what was then a non-diverse industrial town — I struggled a lot with racism and my own racial identity. I felt strangely uncomfortable in my own skin and fought, on both instinct and principle, against the senseless labels I felt society trying to impose. When I left my hometown for college in Washington, D.C., which is a sort of multicultural mecca, things dramatically changed. I felt liberated. I blended in, as opposed to standing out. I was just one of many shades of brown. When I traveled overseas, some assumed I was either a local or from the local indigenous population, as the case may be. People seemed to gravitate toward and were curious about my racial ambiguity, but not in a racist way. It took time, but I eventually became comfortable being me, and for the first time, feel distinct pride in being a person of mixed-race. Cab drivers commonly ask me where I am from, later explaining that I looked like someone from their country – whether it be India, Pakistan, Ethiopia, Egypt, Palestine, Iran, Greece, Turkey, Brazil, or the Dominican Republic, to name a few. “I’m from Pittsburgh,” is my usual response. My husband, who is Jewish, tells me I should say I’m from the future. But I think perhaps our kids will have a better chance pulling that off.

I want to hear your song!

March 23, 2020March 23, 2020 Barney Quinn, Bethesda, MD, music, sing, song

Barney Quinn,
Bethesda, MD.

I married a black man anyway

September 17, 2018September 17, 2018 anyway, Bethesda, Black, man, marriage, married, MD

Lauren,
Bethesda, MD.

Change is here. Are you ready?

July 11, 2017 Bethesda, change, change is here, MD, ready, Rocky

Rocky,
Bethesda, MD.

Let’s all un-hyphenate ourselves, as Americans.

March 27, 2017 American, Bethesda, divide, hyphenate, Junga Kim, MD

Junga Kim,
Bethesda, MD.

Unite, not divide, Unhyphenate, not subdivide. We are all one species. Let’s act like it.

My husband and I won it.

January 14, 2016January 14, 2016 Bethesda, husband, interracial marriage, MD, miscegenated marriage, The Kissing Case, Victoria True, won

Victoria True,
Bethesda, MD.

15 years of my Miscegenated marriage have come and gone. I married a man who is beyond color blind. Case in point, I came by his place 1 month before we were getting married, and joked there are xxx,xx1 inter-racial couples in the US, and on June 12th there will be at least xxx,xx2. His response, how do you know there will be xxx,xx2 by June 12th. I responded, that is when we are getting married. He said, I know but I don’t get it. He really really didn’t. He saw me (and still wanted to marry me which in and off itself does bring in to question his good sense), not a black girl, or an african american, or an afro american, or a negro, or a n*****. He didn’t get over the fact that I was black, or see past it or (most creepy of all in my opinion) fetishize it. He was born in a small town in NC, which is slightly infamous for jailing a black boy and his friend (truly children), beating them and incarcerating them “The Kissing Case”. On the other hand he asked me early in our relationship “If you could live anytime when would you live?” I responded “Am I still black and female, and if so is the future a possible answer.” His response was, wow, never thought about it that way. He is exceptional, I am lucky. So we both won the race. He won the race to be the more evolved human being that walked out of Plato’s cave and never looked back but always looks forward to learn, understand and grow. I won the race to capture said more evolved human being and drag him back to my lair to have my way with him.

Racism still exists, you can’t pretend.

August 14, 2015August 14, 2015 Bethesda, Class 20, exists, MD, Operation Understanding DC, OUDC, pretend, Rachel Matheson, racism

Rachel Matheson,
Bethesda, MD.

I’m a member of Operation Understanding DC (OUDC) Class 20.

Choose to love, not to hate

April 13, 2015April 13, 2015 Bethesda, choose, hate, Jake Weinischke, love, MD

Jake Weinischke,
Bethesda, MD.

“Well you’re not like super Hispanic”

March 20, 2015 Bethesda, but you don't look, Christina Aviles, College, college roomate, freshmen, Hispanic, MD, music, pick-up truck, stereotype, super, you don't sound

Christina Aviles,
Bethesda, MD.

“You don’t talk like most Hispanic girls do, you don’t wear your hair like them, you don’t listen to the same music as them, you’re just not, well you’re not like super Hispanic”. This is what my white college roommate said to me during our first semester of freshman year when I asked her about her first impression of me. I said to her “well my mom cleans houses for a living and my dad is a maintenance worker and drives a pickup truck, does that help me qualify as super Hispanic?

Red skin. Reservation. Relegated. Re-appropriated. Reimagined. Resolute.

January 23, 2015January 23, 2015 Bethesda, bubble, education, Faith Roessel, Georgetown Day, key, MD, Native American, Navajo Indian, red skin, relegated, reservation, resolute, stereotype, USA, within the beltway

Faith Roessel,
Bethesda, MD.
Georgetown Day

I am Navajo Indian, born and raised on the Navajo Nation in Arizona. I now live in the “bubble” and within the “beltway” of Washington, DC with my non Indian husband and my three incredible boys. No one can imagine the challenges we face day in and day out being American Indian and navigating a maze of misunderstandings, ignorance, stereotypes and even sympathy from folks who perceive or rather mis-perceive us. Even at the progressive school my boys go to and where you will be speaking, “they just don’t get it”. Education is the key. If you don’t get America’s story right, from the very beginning, then everything thereafter is tainted. We have yet to see America’s story, which means our American Indian story, told from a candid and truthful perspective.