Mixed Race Marriages are very hard

Vicki
Dallas, TX

I’m half Korean and Half White. As I grew up in an environment where I saw my parents overcome language and cultural barriers, in addition to the normal everyday marriage issues. When I was a kid, i didn’t think anything of it and thought that everyone had parents who would argue about why my dad’s mother would make ignorant comments about Asians to my mom. But they somehow made it work and has been married 30+ years. However, I saw many of their friends in Bi-cultural (which is different from bi-racial) marriages eventually get divorces. I didn’t think anything about it until some older Korean lady asked me about my parents and I said that they were still married and seem pretty happy. Her response to me was of something like.. “really.. they are still married” as if it wasn’t something she saw before.

As an adult, I have dated people of different racial/cultural background because there’s no dating website for those “half korean and white” people. And I have grown to admire how much my parents have to work to keep their marriage together. They had to resolve relationship issues that are universal to everyone, but also many unforeseen issue that may relate to cultural norms and expectation. I know that my future marriage will be hard because I’ll be carrying cultural issues and norms that non- biracial Asian people just won’t understand. Its kind of funny but my sister (who is biracial) finally found someone who related to her cultural/racial background and he was Hmong. A group of people who feel connected to their culture but not quite anymore since they don’t have a “home country” anymore because they were exiled. I also have been in a long term relationship with an India who grew up in the Middle East, who doesn’t quite feel “Indian” but not quite ” Middle Eastern.” So I’m not surprised by the type of people my sisters and I are pulled too.. people who feel the same as us in many ways. Yet, I know that we are still going struggle with issues that non-mixed raced marriages don’t have to deal with.